Scar Tissue
by HHB-733
Summary: "You need to be careful out here," Roderick warned, admiring her, "There's all kinds of dangerous people." As he said it, his eyes found the scar on her neck; the one he'd given her months ago. It was fully healed, curving from below her ear, almost down to her collarbone. The one he'd begged her to let him give her. The one she'd finally given in and let him do.
1. Chapter 1

The moment he saw her, he knew she was perfect.

He'd left the manor feeling anxious and angry. Although Joe had not dismissed him, and had chastised him for dismissing others, he left. He decided that, if questioned, he could blame it on the office calling and wondering where the Sheriff had been.

His cruiser had been parked at the manor since Joe had arrived.

Roderick sped through the back roads, through the woods, feeling more comfortable and in control. He had been trusted and needed while Joe was in prison. He expected to be his right hand man once he'd orchestrated Joe's release. Now that it had happened, however, Joe was stalling.

Nothing enraged Roderick more than the stale promise of his mentor.

In the distance, he saw something at the edge of the road, along the tree line. As he neared, he realized it was a lone jogger.

Her hair was in a ponytail, wavy, and swaying as she ran. Her legs were firm and toned; a seasoned runner.

As Roderick neared, she did not look back. As he looked closer, he saw she had ear buds in. She was oblivious.

Roderick smiled to himself. What an idiot… Don't women know not to run alone? Especially distracted?

His eyes followed up her legs, her back, to her neck. Thoughts crept into his mind.

How easy it would be to subdue her…

Roderick chuckled at the thought. He was the Sheriff. No one would doubt him around these parts.

He toyed with the idea of pretending to arrest her and then taking her into the woods and slaughtering her. He'd done that ruse before.

He looked in his rearview mirror. There was no one. She was alone. She was vulnerable. This was what he needed. This was what would make things right.

As his eyes came back to the road and the runner before him, she quickly stopped on the shoulder.

Roderick slammed on the breaks as he lost sight of her, then cursing himself when he realized she would be on to him.

He could see her approaching the cruiser in his side mirror. All he could see was her torso as she came closer.

As she came to the window, he prepared his Sheriff speech.

"Morning, ma'am," he said officially, putting on his best crowd-pleasing smile.

Her hand was on the top of the cruiser as she swung her head down to greet him through the open window.

"Hey there, Roderick," she said with a smile, her ponytail falling across her shoulder.

Roderick's award winning smile fell as she grinned at him. He hadn't recognized her before. The sight of her jarred him even worse than someone calling him Roderick outside of the manor.

"Jesus, Lauren, what the hell are you doing out here?" he said, stunned, the light returning to his eyes as he recognized her.

She wiped the sweat from her forehead, shaking her head, and grinning.

"Pushing my five mile time," she explained, glancing at her watch with a smile, "The loop through town was getting old."

"You need to be careful out here," Roderick warned, admiring her, "There's all kinds of dangerous people."

As he said it, his eyes found the scar on her neck; the one he'd given her months ago. It was fully healed, curving from below her ear, almost down to her collarbone. The one he'd begged her to let him give her. The one she'd finally given in and let him do.

He admired it like a tattoo artist would admire their completed masterpiece.

She was even more beautiful with it than she'd been before it.

He winked at her and she rolled her eyes. She knew what he was about.

She held his glance, still smiling, remembering the last time she'd seen his face. It had been two weeks after the scar. He'd told that injuring her wasn't enough for him; that even after, he still wanted to kill.

He'd expected her to run screaming, which would then allow him to kill her without second thought. It would have given him a solid reason he hadn't been able to find before.

Instead, she'd said something that he was reminded of now seeing her.

She had shrugged and said, "Well, we're all fucked up."

Roderick was so surprised at her response that he didn't go back to her after that. He still couldn't answer why.

Even now, alone on a deserted road, she wasn't scared of him. She knew exactly who he was, what he did, what he wanted to do. She knew why he killed, the same reason why anyone had an addiction, or a habit they couldn't break. They were all fucked up.

Roderick admired her from her smile to her scar. He wanted badly to touch it, to remember doing it to her.

"Get in," he offered with a smile, "Let me take you back to town."

She looked back at the road, considering it. She glanced at him, smiling but still evaluating him.

After a long thought, she shrugged, deeming the offer suitable, and getting in.

Roderick took in the sight of her body in his front seat, a sight he hadn't seen in so long, but on he welcomed.

He winked at her as he put the cruiser in gear. She rolled her eyes, brushing the hair of her face, her fingers slipping past her scar, knowing he was looking at it.

Truth be told, it was exhilarating for her to be around Roderick again. He was charismatic and electric. She loved the façade of him as Sheriff even though she knew what he was. The irony made her laugh.

"What's so funny?" Roderick asked with a smirk, as carefree as she'd seen him in a long time.

"I was just thinking that this whole Sheriff thing is working out quite well for you. I mean, you wanted to kill me when you first met me and I know you were thinking about it when you saw me running now, too. You could easily do it as Sheriff," she laughed, her hair bouncing.

"Lauren, if you were 'fucked up' like me, you'd want to kill, too," Roderick explained, "Especially lone joggers."

She laughed. "I'm just as fucked up as you, Roderick. You kill people and I run. It's just a means to an end. It's just who you are."

Roderick almost shuddered hearing her explain it so easily. How was it so easy for her to justify who he was?

His face darkened. "Then why didn't I just kill you when I gave you that scar then?"

His tone was short and clipped.

She smiled. She wasn't scared of angering him or hiding her expressions. "Because you're not as fucked up as you think you are."

Roderick thought about it, not looking at her.

He hated that she could explain him. He hated that she wasn't scared of him or worried about him as a threat. He hated that she accepted that he was a killer. He hated that as much as she could explain him, he still didn't understand her. He still couldn't figure her out.

Roderick stole a glance at her riding in the front seat, her long, tanned legs stretched out in front of her. His anger was superficial, misplaced. He couldn't hate her. Lauren was beautiful. He wasn't sure if it was because of the prominent scar, the one that was testimony to her strength and character, the one she wore proudly… or if it was because her scar was the only proof that he may have one shred of humanity left.

* * *

Let me know what you think. I began this idea as a one-shot although it could go on farther to have more chapters and explain what happened with the scar and the dynamics of their relationship. Let me know!


	2. Chapter 2

"What were you doing out here, anyways?" Lauren asked cautiously, realizing she may already know the answer.

Roderick smirked, looking straight ahead, and shrugging. Lauren chuckled.

"Don't answer that," Lauren said quickly, "If I'm running to release stress, you were probably doing the same thing."

Roderick looked over and winked at her.

"No, ma'am, not today," Roderick said reassuringly with his Midwestern drawl, "Just out on a call."

Lauren nodded like she believed him but said, "Your radio's off. You weren't on a call."

Roderick's face darkened. If she really wanted to know, he'd tell her but that would have consequences she wouldn't like. His hands gripped the steering wheel, reminding himself to keep his cool.

He looked at her carefully, thinking he would really have to kill her this time. He preferred not to, but he wouldn't argue with it.

She knew what he was thinking.

"Relax, Roderick, you don't need to lie to me," she smiled, "I've known who you are for a while."

He looked back at the road. He didn't argue.

He almost wished Lauren knew about Joe and the manor. She would agree with him that Joe needed to act soon. She would agree that he had put in too much to get so little back.

She understood him and she would advise him to step up and demand something be done. He knew exactly what she'd say…

But he hadn't shared Joe… Roderick had kept him to himself, even when it had been so tempting to tell her so many times. He hadn't known Lauren when he first met Joe, but he'd known her when he began recruiting. So many nights, Roderick had wanted to tell Lauren his accomplishment and what he was working on, how he was the leader… but he hadn't.

Roderick knew Lauren wouldn't show loyalty to Joe, she wouldn't join if he asked. He wished she would… but she wasn't a killer. Lauren accepted Roderick, he decided to do the same for her and leave her out of the plan.

When he was gone, it was easy for Roderick to forget Lauren and focus on Joe and the following. Now that she was sitting beside him, and his blood boiling in his veins with anger for Joe, he fought to tell her everything.

Roderick drove in silence, not even concentrating on the road. It was no matter at all, though; he knew the way back to her house like the back of his hand. He knew how to get anywhere in this town, but making his way to her home was a case of muscle memory.

He had built this town. It was his. He was the Sheriff and what he didn't have control over as Sheriff Nelson, he controlled as Roderick; Joe's second in command. He owned all of those people in the manor. He'd given them orders.

As the drove, people waved to him from the street. He noticed some of the followers from the manor; they did not wave to him. They knew better.

Roderick pulled down the small road to her house. Lauren had bought it two years ago and had been working on it ever since. It was a small cottage with a front porch and a pitched roof. She loved living there.

As Roderick pulled to a stop, he looked over at her, remembering being here so many times but this time he felt like a stranger.

"Thanks for the ride," she said, smiling, seeing him looking at her.

Lauren met his gaze and he held it, staring at her. He didn't say anything, but he wasn't ready to let her leave. The issue of Joe and the next step were on his mind… he hadn't had enough time with Lauren. Just looking at her made things stir in his memory that he hadn't though of in a long time.

"Is it alright if I come in for a while?" he asked, already making up his mind with or without her consent. His expression was blank, making it hard for her to read him.

She glanced back at the house, thinking, and nodded. "That'd be alright."

Roderick followed her outside the car, up the front steps, and to the door. He had always been a step behind her; she wondered if it was because he wanted nothing behind his back or if it was because that's how he stalked people.

As she unlocked the door, Roderick reached in front of her and opened it for her. He was always a gentleman.

Lauren threw her phone and keys onto the table in the hallway, turning on her heel suddenly, catching Roderick by surprise.

"Are you going to tell me?" she asked blatantly, crossing her arms.

Roderick laughed to shield his discomfort by her question. "Tell you what?"

Lauren cocked her head. "Why you were all the way out on Route 5? And what you were thinking about in the car…?"

Roderick chuckled, his eyes glinting. "Oh, Lauren, you know, the usual. And I said I was out on a call."

Lauren held her ground. "You're full of it Roderick. You're a terrible liar. You want me to ask. That's why you wanted to come in."

He took a deep breath, his lips pursing. Had that been why he wanted to come in?

"You're not going to like the answer," he answered in a low voice, his eyes becoming dark.

Lauren sighed, already turning, dismissing the whole thing.

Roderick was on her in an instant, cornering her against the wall, staring at her darkly.

Lauren felt her pulse quicken as her heart pounded against her chest.

She looked up to Roderick's stare as he leaned over her. She was sure he would kill her if he'd made up his mind to. There would be little she could do to stop him. But what she saw in his look wasn't that. She saw anger and lust.

Carefully, he brought his hand up to touch her scar, shuddering as he touched it.

Lauren watched his face as he traced it, remembering how he'd done it, how she'd trusted him completely.

As his fingers moved, his pulse quickened. It exhilarated him to feel his handiwork. He loved that she was a walking exhibit to his achievement. It had been quite a conquest to get her approval. His life revolved around Joe… but she was his. All his. He noticed her beautiful eyes watching him.

Lauren saw Roderick's dark eyes flicker. He slid his hand across her neck, his palm flattening as his hand encircled her throat. He felt her pulse against his skin. It was steadying. She wasn't afraid.

He didn't mean her to be. He put no pressure into his hand, letting it rest against her throat, her scar along his thumb.

Roderick shuddered, feeling her throat in his hand, able to choke her easily, with her scar as a guideline for his palm.

When he looked back at her eyes, she saw desperation, drowning.

Roderick swallowed hard, trying to rid himself of the thought in his head. He couldn't.

With his hand around her throat, he tipped her chin up, steadying his hand. This time, he felt her pulse speed.

Roderick leaned closer, now hearing her breath match her pulse. He knew that if her hand was around his throat, that his would be the same.

His kissed her harder than his descent had warned. His body leaned in as he kissed her, but holding her in place with his hand around her throat.

She kissed him back just as easily as she had months ago. Her lips still remembered how he tasted.

His pulse reached a speed that had only been met recently by Joe's escape from prison.

Joe. He wanted to be rid of the thought of him.

Roderick kissed Lauren harder, his hand clenching around her throat. She swallowed gently, a silent request for him to relax. He did instantly. When they had begun together, he told her that he would always stop when she asked. When he had built the trust to such a level where she permitted the scar, it took everything she had not to tell him to stop.

Roderick broke the kiss and descended on her neck, his hand moving for his mouth, hot against her skin. The smell of her, being in her house again, having her in his hands was intoxicating to him. She was the closest thing to the satisfaction of a kill that he'd ever been able to find.

He kissed the scar, feeling its slickness against her smooth skin. She tipped her head away to allow him more access to it. He owned it.

His hands settled on her waist and moved their way up her back. The space between them had closed.

Roderick pulled away quickly, breathless and eyes dark. He saw the same look on her face that he'd missed. The one he wanted more of.

He chuckled, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against hers. He felt her smile as he did it.

Roderick kissed her again quickly and then leaned back to look at her.

"I have to get back to…work… can I come later?" he whispered, looking at her lips.

Lauren smiled. "Should I make supper?"

Roderick grinned at the idea. "Yes, please."

"I'll make your favorite, then," she offered with a smile.

His eyes glinted. His belly ached with the thought of a home cooked meal, especially his favorite. He knew she'd sauté chicken, make rosemary potatoes, and steam green beans… just for him.

"Make sure you're not too late, Officer Nelson," she teased with a grin.

Roderick smiled wickedly. "Oh no, ma'am, I won't. I promise."

Roderick leaned down and kissed Lauren on the forehead. "I'll bring us some drinks, too."

Lauren laughed. Roderick drank beer with anything, even meals that were more suitable for wine.

"Well, I'd better go," he said, stepping away from her, still leaving her smiling.

As he left, he watched her go into her bedroom, imagining her showering, and relaxing after her run this morning.

Still confident and content as he'd left her, he resolved to put those ideas away as he started his cruiser, steering back to the manor.

Roderick had to do something. Joe could not put up this charade any longer. Something had to be done. He had given his word. Roderick had worked for this for so long. It was time for a pay off.

He would talk to Claire. Perhaps Joe told her… perhaps he could arrange for her to ask him. Claire was the secret to Joe… he wanted more than anything to please her… Joe would do whatever it took to make Claire love him again… Roderick only needed to find the right way to use her to his advantage…


	3. Chapter 3

As the green beans steamed, Lauren checked her watch. 7:00pm.

Roderick would be arriving soon. She tried not to think about what he'd done since she last saw him. She wondered if he wanted to come back to confess something…

She shook her head thinking about it. There were some things she accepted about Roderick and some things she didn't want to know.

Lauren checked the chicken and the potatoes. Everything would be ready in about fifteen minutes. Just enough time.

When she had been with Roderick, he never demanded anything domestic or home cooked. He suggested pizza or take out if he thought about food at all. Roderick was a man who was hungry for other things than food.

Lauren cooked anyways and when she saw Roderick eat her first cooked meal for him like he'd been starving, she realized that's what he needed. Roderick hadn't suggested home cooked meals because he'd almost never had them. His life had always consisted of drive through paper bags or packages of crackers. From the little he told her of his childhood, he'd always been hungry and there had never been enough.

Despite his requests for something "simple and fast," Lauren cooked. She wanted to give him something he'd been missing. When he requested something simple, he hadn't known what he really meant. The simple act of cooking him dinner, just for him, making an effort for him, was the turning point in his devotion to her.

He couldn't explain what feelings he had for her but he suspected they could have been something like affection, what he heard about it. He knew he was incapable of it but this may have been close.

Roderick knew that what she'd done for him couldn't be taken. Almost like he owed Joe, he owed Lauren for giving him something he'd been missing.

Lauren added more rosemary to the potatoes, sliding them around the pan.

She heard the sound of a car coming down the lane fast, too fast. Roderick was mad.

Lauren sighed. This hadn't been the first time he'd arrived furious.

The cruiser slid to a stop amid a cloud of dust that settled over her kitchen window. She could see a paper grocery sack in the front seat but Roderick didn't reach for it when he got it, slamming the door.

He barged his way up her front steps, throwing the door open, and storming through her hallway, not even looking at her, but entering the living room, pacing.

Lauren knew to leave him alone when he was like this. She dried off her hands with the kitchen towel, setting it on the counter. She made no move towards him but walked out the front door and down the steps.

She opened the cruiser's passenger door and took out the grocery bag. Inside, she could see that Roderick had bought beer, strawberries, and flowers.

She laughed to herself. He had never brought her flowers before. She wondered what his reasoning would be.

Inside, Roderick was still pacing, his hands in his hair, disheveled and furious.

Joe had played him. He had used him. "_You know you can't trust him…"_

Claire's words were like a razor blade. He had trusted Joe… for years he had trusted him, he had given him everything. Everything he had, he gave to Joe- his identity even.

Joe had used him.

There was no great act, no reason for all of this. All he wanted was Claire and Joey… and he'd used him.

All his work, all of his time, his devotion, his life, what he'd created… it was for nothing. Joe had betrayed him.

Roderick was in a rage. He paced furiously.

Lauren paid him no mind and brought the grocery bag into the kitchen, unpacking it quietly. She learned to be quieter than a mouse when Roderick was angry.

She cleaned the strawberries in a colander and set the flowers in a small vase, trimming the ends. She set them on the windowsill. She wouldn't say anything about them until Roderick brought it up.

Finally, she heard him drop his weight onto her couch. She peeked into the living room and saw him on the couch, elbows on his knees, head in his hands.

Lauren took out a cold beer bottle and took off the cap with a bottle opener. The glass was cold in her hand, already starting to sweat, as she took it to the living room and set it down on the coffee table in front of Roderick.

When she was back in the kitchen, she took the potatoes, green beans, and chicken off of the stove and onto a trivet. She heard Roderick take a large sip from his beer and set it down again. She suspected his head was back in his hands, working out whatever was ailing him.

But he wasn't. He had turned his head and was watching her in the kitchen, her back to him.

His whole world, his whole existence, belonged to Joe… but Lauren was outside Joe's grasp. Roderick had kept her for himself… True, he would have loved for her to join him at the manor and be devoted to Joe at the beginning, but now he found himself thankful that she hadn't… that she was still the same… still safe. She was another world to him; somewhere outside his department and the following. Somewhere safe.

With her, he wasn't Roderick: Joe's second in command and he wasn't Sheriff Nelson… He was someone in between…. he was something more of himself… the true man between both roles.

When he had first met Lauren, he'd introduced himself as Sheriff Nelson, as Tim; but as she learned more, as she accepted more, he became Roderick, and he preferred that name on her lips.

Even still… she understood him. Lauren had always been able to decipher his moods and ulterior motives.

He slowly smiled. She knew to bring him a beer and then to leave… she understood that he didn't want to talk. For a split second, he did. He wanted to tell her everything… but he couldn't. She didn't deserve that. She deserved to stay on the outside, where he wanted her.

Quietly, he got off of the couch as she made their plates, the smell already making his stomach rumble. He had missed someone caring for him, looking out for him and just him.

Coming behind her, she felt him approach. She still didn't look at him; she always waited for him to make the first move when he had been upset.

Gently, he placed his chin down on her shoulder, ear against hers, smelling her and the dinner she'd made for him.

"It looks amazing," Roderick said softly.

He felt her cheeks move as she smiled. "It's ready."

Roderick stepped back from her as she held a plate in either hand. He glanced back towards the kitchen table. It had already been set.

He looked back at her; she was waiting for him to move so she could go set the plates down. Taking a deep breath, he leaned down and kissed her.

"Need me to get anything?" he asked, his brow furrowed.

Lauren shook her head. "Nope. Everything's on the table."

Roderick moved from her path. As she set the plates down, he opened the fridge and took out a beer for her, uncapping it, and bringing it to her.

He handed it to her over the table and she adjusted the salt and pepper. She hadn't expected it and her face flushed.

"Thank you," she grinned, taking it from him. He was still in a somber mood.

Roderick always let her sit down first before he did. He was raised with such manners that she wondered if he thought it rude or distasteful to kill someone before telling them.

He bowed his head for a moment and she knew he wasn't praying; he was thinking. Any other woman would have nagged him and demanded to know what was bothering him. Lauren didn't. He was relieved.

"I haven't had a home cooked meal in a long time," he said finally, looking up, brightness back in his eyes.

Lauren nodded. "It's been a few months, hasn't it?"

Roderick smirked. "It's just been pizza and Chinese for me."

Lauren laughed. "You couldn't find a decent girl to make you dinner?"

He shook his head, cutting into his chicken. "No, ma'am… Just you."

She wasn't looking when he said it, her eyes had been on her plate and they stayed there. Roderick took the moment to admire her, her scar drawing his eyes.

So much had happened since he left… so much changed. But she was still here… and her scar had healed from the bloody mess it'd been when he left… _he'd_ been a mess when he left, but she was still connected, still together. She was a rock, the constant in his changing world between sheriff and following. But now she seemed so far away.

When she looked up, she saw regret his eyes but she didn't want the conversation that would follow.

Lauren didn't say anything and Roderick took a big gulp of his beer. It was almost gone.

Roderick was hoping it would make him lose his edge, the one that kept everything bottled up. He was hoping it would make it easier for him to say what he needed to. He was hoping it would make it easier for her to hear it.


	4. Chapter 4

"Thank you for making dinner," Roderick finally said as they sat on the couch, the plates and dishes stacked in the sink, open bottles of beer on the coffee table in front of them.

Lauren smiled. "You know it's not a big deal."

He sat uncomfortably straight, like he was holding his breath. His arms were crossed over his chest. He used to be so relaxed here but not now. There was too much on his mind.

Lauren sat facing him, her legs folder under her body, her back leaning against the arm of the couch. He hated that she was always relaxed.

"I'm not going to ask you what's wrong so if you want to say it, you'd better get on with it," she stated, leaning her chin onto her hand.

Roderick smirked, still not looking at her. _Damn, she hasn't changed a bit._

"You're awfully pushy tonight, Lauren," he countered with a grin.

She rolled her eyes, shifting her weight.

Roderick exhaled loudly, leaned forward, and put his chin in his hands.

"I was with a woman recently… she was nothing like you…" he started, not looking at her, "She was cold, calculating… diabolical… She was too much like me… She was how I am… but she wanted to impress me, to make me know what she was capable of and she was… ruthless. She was empty."

Roderick cast a glance at her. If she was thinking something, it didn't show on her face.

"You being pushy is nothing. Louise would have beat it out of me," he laughed.

"You're a hard man to please, Roderick," Lauren smiled, brushing a piece of hair out of her eyes.

"You never had difficulty pleasing me," he said quickly in a low voice. It made Lauren blush.

"I didn't mean it like that," he added, chuckling.

Lauren smirked. "I know what you meant."

"I was quite pleased. As close to happy as I think I could get. You made me a very satisfied man," Roderick said with a small smile, thinking back.

He looked over at her and her face showed that she was thinking about the same times as he was. She could remember their time together.

"I still think you feel happy sometimes," Lauren countered, an argument she'd defended many times.

Roderick shook his head. "Happy? No."

Lauren straightened.

"When you… you know," she didn't want to say _kill people_, "I'm sure you feel some kind of happiness."

Roderick thought about it. "Not happiness… satisfaction… fulfillment… accomplishment. The same feeling you get after finishing a run… the same feeling I get when I look at you and your scar."

Lauren met his eyes and he was actually looking at her, not her scar like she'd expected.

"But you still said that wasn't enough for you…" she said, remembering the last day he was with her, "That's what you said."

Roderick stared at her, not backing down. "Do you remember what you said? You said, 'well, we're all fucked up,' like it was no big deal."

She shrugged. "What's there to say? Be mad that he fucked you up?"

Roderick laughed. "You think my dad fucked me up and took away my ability to be happy by dying in the Gulf War? You think that's why I'm the way I am?"

Lauren frowned. "No one took away your ability, you still have that… they just gave you a lot more of something else… and I wasn't talking about your dad."

Roderick quieted, his spine stiffening.

"I was talking about Joe Carroll."


	5. Chapter 5

Roderick let out his breath he hadn't know he'd been holding. He didn't meet Lauren's eyes.

He swallowed carefully. He wouldn't challenge her claim… he wouldn't lie. But he was still angry at her for springing this on him, holding back that she knew.

"How long have you known?" he asked carefully, staring straight ahead, his jaw hardening.

"Since he escaped from prison," Lauren said in an even tone. She wasn't surprised by his response but she did give him credit for taking it so well.

"Who else knows?" Roderick asked carefully, a lot smoother than 'Who do I need to kill now?'

Lauren shook her head. "No one. Just like no one else knows who you are. You know that you can trust me."

Roderick felt his anger quiet. He did trust her.

"How did you know?" he asked in a clipped tone, hoping her answer wasn't one that could lead others to her same conclusion.

"When he escaped from prison, what he'd done ten years ago was all over the news. He taught at Winslow the same time you were there… you minored in literature and he was your advisor… if Joe Carroll hadn't turned you into what you are now, he sure as hell had a big influence in it," Lauren stated, raising her beer as if praising Joe for Roderick's development.

Roderick swallowed. His collegiate records could easily be traced. He could easily be connected. His fists began to ball.

Lauren saw it and stretched out her hand, placing it on his arm. "Carroll advised hundreds of other students… he didn't do to them what he did to you… Tim Nelson went on to be a successful Sheriff, that's what everyone knows… they don't know about Roderick like I do."

He calmed. She did have that. She was right.

Finally, he turned his head to look at her. She was still calm, still composed but he could see her pulse dancing on her wrist.

"Are you scared of me now?" he asked in a low voice, "Knowing what I'm involved in?"

Lauren swallowed. "A little…. but more mad."

Roderick smirked, his eyes dark, expressionless. "Why mad?"

"You're not the type of man who'd follow someone like Joe Carroll," she said quietly, gripping her beer.

Roderick's smirk faded to a calculating gaze. "What type of man am I exactly?"

He'd whispered it like he'd whispered other things to her, those in the dark and into her ear. The sound of his whisper now, even in the light, gave her chills.

Lauren sipped her beer before responding, letting her pulse calm. She swallowed, but she could feel her heartbeat in the throat; she could feel him watching it.

"A strong man… independent… one who has power and control; Sheriff even… I'm sure more than that in Joe Carroll's circle…" she started, "Which is why I don't understand why you would give all that up for him… You're a man who could create and build so much, which I'm sure you did for him… but to give that up to follow someone? To let them lead? You're not a follower, Roderick… so you must have trusted him…"

Roderick stiffened. She was hitting the nail on the head.

She knew it and continued.

"But he's not doing what he said he would, isn't he? That's why you're so angry… When you're in charge, you can do anything you want and that's how you like it. But now, everything you've done has been given up to him and you can't control it anymore… I don't understand why you would let that happen…" she said quietly, already seeing in the tension in his forehead that she was right.

"I owe him," Roderick said hoarsely, not looking at her, "I didn't go to prison ten years ago because of him…"

Lauren shrugged, knowing she'd never win. "But that shouldn't mean you give up everything for him," she argued anyways.

"I didn't give him you," he said defiantly, raising his eyes to meet hers, "I could have… I could have brought you in to everything, he would have loved you, but I didn't… I kept you to myself… I didn't give up everything. I chose to follow him."

Lauren set down her beer and scooted closer to him on the couch. "You're not that type of man."

Roderick turned his head and stared at her angrily. "How do you know what type of man I am?"

Carefully, she reached down and took his hand, guiding it up towards her scar. "A follower would not have given me this… a leader did."

He blinked, breathing heavily, meeting her gaze.

"You're not a follower, Roderick, you never have been… Carroll taught you, I know he did, but… in prison, you were the leader, you were free. You can't bow out because he's back… you can't demote your brain from leader to follower… like I said, you're not that type of man…"

Roderick's eyes darkened. How dare she say he wasn't a follower? If anyone followed Joe it was him… he was the one who followed Joe's every order, his every command and he did so graciously.

Lauren could see the anger in him growing. She could see it rising and churning.

"That's why you were out on Route 5… you were looking for something…or someone to relieve your stress… you wanted to kill someone," she finished, feeling like she'd run a marathon.

Roderick stared at her, his tension coiled in his arms and in his chest. Each breath threatened to unravel him.

Any other woman would have sacrificed herself to him, shyly suggesting that he could take out his frustration on her, that she understood his stress. As Sheriff, he'd do it, but still restraining.

Louise would have provoked him. She would have thrown insults at him, jabbed at his chest, or threatened him until he burst with rage, directing it at her. She would have relished it, fed off it, and struck back. She loved the power struggle. She loved being hit by him and making him do it again.

Lauren waited. She waited in a way that a deer waited to see if a mountain lion would pounce or stalk off to find another meal.

She waited.

Roderick's head scrambled. He was furious at her. How dare she say that he wasn't a follower? How dare she say that he wasn't that type of man? But still, he was furious even more because she was right. He was enraged that he'd give up his power to Joe just to have him betray him.

Just as he'd thought earlier, Lauren got it. He wasn't that type of man and she knew it.

He didn't want to apologize for snapping at her. He wasn't that type of man, either. Instead, he looked at her, studied her, and found his eyes wandering to her scar.

"Did it hurt?" he asked, trying to level his voice to take the edge off his anger.

Lauren swallowed, understanding Roderick was avoiding the topic of Joe and she was grateful for it, the tension was getting to be too much.

She nodded. "At first. It was quick enough but it hurt like hell."

Roderick studied each millimeter of flesh, leaning closer to take it in. He remembered the night he'd done it and the terror he'd felt in her pulse.

"_Say no and I won't," he coerced, the blade already in his hand, his other pressing into her back as she faced away from him. _

_They'd decided to do it on the porch, where the blood wouldn't stain as many things as it ran into the grass._

_Lauren steadied herself against the railing, not speaking._

_He moved her hair to the side of her neck, kissing the nape, his warm breath encouraging her._

"_Tell me to stop and I will," he coerced again, reminding her of his trust but still wanting to do it._

_He moved his arm around her and set the blade on the railing in front of her, making her see it. After he placed it, his hands rested on her waist, letting her know that he still had full control of his actions. He had gauze in his pocket in the chance she'd say yes._

_She turned to face him when he hadn't expected it. "Why do you want to do this so bad?"_

_He took in a deep breath, thinking of an answer. He looked to the ground almost embarrassed, swallowing hard, and then looking back up at her, his hair falling into his eyes._

"_I've never let anyone live before… I mean… I've never let them live after I started to…" he looked away embarrassed, "I think I can with you… I can stop myself."_

_Lauren didn't look as convinced, her brow furrowed with worry. "How do you know? I won't do it if you're guessing…"_

_She didn't say it, but she knew he'd stop… As much as he argued that he had no humanity left, no emotion, she knew he did. She could see it in the way he looked at her before they fell asleep and the way he kissed her forehead first thing in the morning._

_She knew he'd stop, that he had some feeling left, but she knew she'd have to make him prove it. He wouldn't believe her before when she'd argue that he still had soul but if she let him scar her, let her live, then he'd have to believe it._

_She would have to do this to show him. She couldn't say this, not if it was going to work. She would have a scar, but he would have proof that he wasn't completely gone._

"_I'll stop… I promise," he whispered, kissing her forehead gently._

_She knew it and she counted on it._

_She reached behind her and handed him the blade, her eyes giving him the answer._

_He felt his pulse quicken and his heart throb. This was it._

_She moved her hair and turned her head slightly, still focusing on his eyes. She wanted to see it coming if he really couldn't control himself and he really did kill her._

_One of his hands steadied on her shoulder as he raised the blade with the other. He gave her one last look to be sure of her decision. She didn't falter._

_He took a deep breath and let it out as the blade bit into her skin neatly. She winced and held her breath, her eyes watering, looking away, not wanting to see anymore._

_He started carving down, the blood flowing fast and heavy, a river onto her shoulders and chest. The wetness made her gasp, her tears falling. She wouldn't cry out. _

_He carved deeper, knowing that an inch away, he could slit her throat and she'd be over. His adrenaline pushed him farther, his hand loving the feeling of the blade slicing her skin, relishing the feel of her warm blood on his skin._

_He looked at her face to gauge her reaction. She was trying to control her breathing, trying not to pass out, trying to stay grounded, hoping that he'd keep his word._

_He sliced farther, going faster, the sight of her blood causing his to pump harder, his adrenaline thundering in his ears._

_She felt everything start to tingle. She wasn't sure if it was the shock or the blood loss. She steadied her hand on the porch railing only to see blood dripping down her arm. She felt herself swaying in weakness._

_He was almost done, one last little piece to finish. He felt her waver but he was almost finished._

_She felt her heart beat in confusion, as if it knew it was pumping out blood never to be seen again. Her vision started to go white as she felt the blade slice farther._

_He slid the blade the last centimeter, so close, there, almost, done. He dropped the dripping knife to the floor, already smeared and slick with her blood. But she was still alive._

_He thrust his hand into his jeans, not caring that her blood was all over him. He pulled out he gauze and put it over her wound, carefully cradling her and bringing her down onto the floor. _

_He sat with her in his lap, bleeding and in shock. He pressed the gauze to her neck and her head to his chest. _

_He'd felt fulfilled, accomplished, proud. She trusted him enough to let him scar her and enough not to kill her, though he still felt the itch. He had marked her and she'd live… she'd carry his work until the day she died. He felt victory in it. It was like a craving he'd finally satisfied._

_He looked down to check that she was still conscious. Her eyes were closed but he felt her steady breathing.  
_

"_You stopped," she whispered, still not strong enough for her breath._

_He nodded. "I did… but it felt so good it was almost hard to…"_

"_Was it enough?" she asked quietly, "Would that be enough for you?"_

_He shook his head coldly. He knew the answer. "No. It was not enough for me."_

_She said the most logical thing she could think of: "Well, we're all fucked up."_

_He hadn't expected that… he'd expected her to scream at him, to tell him she never wanted him to touch her again, to be outraged, to be scared._

_But she wasn't. _

_He'd left hours later, after he was sure she didn't have significant blood loss and after he'd washed her blood off of her._

_When she woke and he was gone, she wasn't surprised. She'd felt enlightened, proud. She'd done it. Roderick wasn't a complete monster. He still killed people but he was capable of stopping, of showing control and feeling. And she'd proved it. To him, it would remain a scar if he were to see her out in town later, but she'd know the truth. She had complete satisfaction in that._

"It looks good on you," Roderick admitted, admiring his work, still remembering the feel of her blood on his hands and the feel of the blade slicing her skin.

He liked being able to look at it. Once he killed, he didn't get to relive it, didn't get to remember it the way he liked.

But he could see her scar. He could see what he was capable of, what he'd done to her, that she was still alive and wearing his scar. That she knew who he was, what he was, and that she'd still trusted him. Just like her cooking dinner, she'd done this for him.

"Like I said," he shrugged, "You made me a very satisfied man."

Lauren smiled. She was happy to have given him something he needed and found satisfaction in her own way.

Roderick leaned closer. "I ought to return the favor, though, I don't think giving me a scar in return would satisfy you."

He stared at her with his eyes growing darker, his breath becoming shallow, and the tension between them building.

Roderick touched her hand and she looked down, her breath quickening and her pulse beating in her throat. His hands were rough and warm. As she looked at them, she could almost feel them touching the rest of her body like they'd done months ago. Her skin began to ache.

"It may have been months, but I still remember how to please you," he whispered. It sounded like a promise.

When she looked up, his dark eyes were closer than they were a second ago. Her breath hitched in her throat.

He eyed her lips and wondered how long it would take to make her beg him to kiss her.

His hands found their way to the top of her thighs, where her hands were resting. She closed her eyes and felt his breath on her ear, his lips on her neck, tracing her scar.

Roderick smirked. "Tell me to stop and I will…"

As she opened her eyes, her hands were behind his head, fingers tangled into his hair, pulling him to kiss her. He grinned as he leaned in, victorious.

She kissed him with urgency, letting her tension melt away. His arms slid around her, pulling her closer, his hard body colliding with hers, fingers gripping hard, the way she liked.

In an instant, he was standing with her in his arms, lips still locked and her hands behind his neck.

He carried her to her bedroom, a place he'd yearned for since he stepped foot into her house this morning.

Roderick tossed her onto the bed roughly, his eyes dark and his chest hard. As she caught herself, he was on her, pushing her body down, dominating over her. She closed her eyes in memory of the feeling.

He'd declared her his with his scar but now he'd claim her again. She was his.

She urged him to kiss her harder, pulling his already forceful body closer. She relished it. He needed it.

He didn't want a woman who would bay underneath him, who would let him do whatever he wanted but just lay there, pathetic.

He didn't want Louise, who would hit him back, bite him, scratch him, and beat him, urging him to do the same to her.

He wanted Lauren. Who pushed for him to kiss her harder, for him to overpower her as she trusted him, as she pushed back against him and encouraged him to be rough.

He wanted her fingers pulling at his hair, her nails against his chest, her lips on his neck.

Roderick felt the scar on her neck and shivered. She was all his.


	6. Chapter 6

His hand tightened around her wrists and she felt bruises form. She didn't care. It felt delicious. Her hands were pinned in one of his behind her back, underneath her, his lips on her neck.

As she arched against him, he pushed her down with his chest, keeping her still and in place. If she tried to kiss him, he'd turn away and then continue his assault on her neck. She could feel him grinning.

He kissed her as her quick pulse and heavy breathing fueled his testosterone, raging him on. He moved down her neck to her shoulders, nuzzling and then biting, making her arch against him, demanding more.

Lauren had been with different men, but none like Roderick. Before, she'd had two types of lovers: one, who would be gentle and kind, stare into her eyes as they made love, who'd keep asking her if it was okay or if she wanted to do something else, one who would stifle her and make her want to kick them in the balls and out of her bed. The other, one who would get to the point, take what he wanted, and leave her unsatisfied and annoyed.

Not Roderick.

Roderick was rough, always bringing her to the border of pleasure and pain. He liked the way her muscles relaxed in pleasure but then tensed when he would pull her hair back or grip her hard. He was in control and he liked making her feel it.

Lauren loved it. She loved seeing him come alive and to see the fire in his eyes, the satisfaction in his breath. She knew he wouldn't hurt her intentionally but she liked that he was rough with her. She liked it the same way he did.

Oftentimes, if her hands were free, hers would come to cover his, squeezing his, silently urging him to grip her harder, letting him know that wasn't enough yet. He would happily oblige, spinning her around and pushing her onto the bed, daring her to ask him for more again.

Roderick was a man who lived on the edge of pain and pleasure- he could easily see if the scale was being tipped in one direction to heavily. He could feel by Lauren's breathing and by her pulse if the pain was too much, if she wasn't enjoying it anymore and he would retreat, settling until she made her demands again.

As much as he enjoyed, even relished, inflicting extreme pain, he wouldn't do it to her like this. Not when she was vulnerable, naked under him. She trusted him, urged him to bring her to the fine line with him… he wouldn't betray her in a moment like that.

But this wasn't about the pain, it was indeed forcing her to walk the line with him. He wanted her to beg him to be rough, rather than to ask him to stop. Her breathlessness in his ear urged him to continue.

He loved that Lauren wanted him to be rough and that she encouraged it. He could tell that she wouldn't settle for anything less from him.

If he succumbed in a moment of pleasure and softened, he'd find her hands behind him, pulling him roughly, or a stern look from her eyes to not back down.

In those moments, he'd grin devilishly and always think that he'd created a monster, but he loved it.

Like he, she always ended pleased, feeling both bruised and satisfied. He'd tumbled down beside her, out of breath and sweating.

Before he could fully regain his breathing pattern, she was already up, pulling at his hand and dragging him towards the shower. She was always up for more.

But tonight, after he'd tumbled down beside her, catching his breath, he looked over at her to see her laughing.

"I think you're getting soft in your old age, Sherriff," she teased, grinning.

Roderick shot her a look in the dark, sliding through he sheets and covering her cooling body with his.

"We'll see how _soft_ I am with you now!" he growled playfully through his teeth, hands already sliding around her throat roughly.

She swatted his hands away, laughing and smiling. He smiled and let his hands fall to her waist, her cool skin feeling refreshing.

"You know I'm now going to promise to stick around this time," he mused quietly, looking down at her.

She shrugged. "I wouldn't have believed you even if you said it."

He opened his mouth to protest, to say that she should believe him if he said it but the point was moot. He wouldn't have said it anyways.

He felt alongside her body, feeling her curves from memory and her hand found his hair.

His hands slid the length of her body and back up, smoothing along her skin and feeling her shiver.

He liked being this intimate with her… to know that she knew exactly what he was, who he was, and what he'd done… that she knew him as Roderick, but still allowed him into her bed.

With other women, who knew him as Sheriff Nelson, he still felt like he was acting, making him more enraged when they said they liked it and called him Sheriff. It annoyed him.

With Louise, she only knew him as Roderick and demanded him to be as ruthless as his reputation as Joe's secondhand.

Lauren knew both. She knew him as Sheriff first and then as Roderick, she knew more pieces to him that others had. He felt like he could breathe around her.

She felt him tense abruptly and tension furrowed his forehead.

"I don't want you running out on Route 5 anymore," he said suddenly, his tone turning aggressive.

She opened her mouth to protest but his hand gripped her in rebuttal.

"_No_," he ordered, masculinity dripping from his voice, making Lauren twinge inside.

Thinking about Louise had reminded himself of the other followers at the manor. If he'd been able to run into Lauren on the road, someone else could have easily done it… and she wouldn't have been so lucky…

"Joe's forbidden it, but I just don't know what they'd do if presented with the opportunity…" Roderick said carefully.

Lauren realized what he was saying before she could ask. There were scarier people here than him now.

Roderick knew that if someone from the manor ran into Lauren they'd either kill her or recruit her. He wouldn't let either of those happen.

"Yes, sir," she replied obediently, smiling, trying to ease off some of the tension, "I won't run at all, okay?"

Roderick sighed, relieved. "Good… I'd prefer you off the roads."

Lauren nodded. "Understood."

Roderick settled back down on the bed, folding his arm under his head, his broad chest rising with each breath.

Lauren knew that within minutes, he'd be asleep next to her, breathing soundly. In an hour or so, he'd be turned on his side towards her, hand tangled in her hair. By morning, he'd be on his stomach, head on her pillow with her, arm flung across her stomach, pulling her closer if she tried to get out of bed without him.

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As always, thanks for the reviews! More reviews means faster updates! When I know you want more, it gets me in the writing mood!


	7. Chapter 7

When he awoke, the bed was empty and the cool sheets pooled around him. Roderick frowned and stared at the ceiling. He didn't hear Lauren in the kitchen making breakfast like she sometimes did. He didn't hear Lauren in the bathroom getting ready and brushing her teeth. He didn't hear Lauren turning the pages of a book in the living room.

He pulled himself up by his hard abdominals and rested on his elbows, listening. He heard nothing. His hair had fallen into his eyes but he didn't move to brush it away.

Roderick looked around Lauren's bedroom from his place on her bed, looking for clues, an idea to where she could be.

He looked for her purse. It was on her dresser next to her watch.

He looked for her sunglasses. They were next to her watch.

He looked for her shoes. They were-

_What the hell…._

Her heels for work and her sandals were there… but her running shoes were not.

"GODDAMNIT," Roderick screamed angrily.

He threw back the sheets angrily, blood and testosterone pumping through his veins, enraged.

He pulled on his jeans and zipped them as he tore through the house.

_She said she wouldn't run… what the fuck is she doing?_

He felt his eyes dilate as he stormed from room to room and found them all empty. He was furious.

Perhaps this time, he really would kill her.

From the living room, he finally caught sight of her outside, coming down her road. She was wearing grey sweat pants and an old tie-dye t-shirt, her hair curling over her shoulders.

Roderick threw open the front door and stomped down the front steps in a blur.

"Where the fuck where you?" he demanded through clenched teeth, "What the fuck are you thinking?"

Lauren stopped mid step and looked at him like he was overreacting. It infuriated him.

"Roderick," she said carefully, "I get the paper delivered. I went down to the mailbox to get it…"

She held up the newspaper in front of her to show him.

He was still fuming and had blood pounding in his ears while he realized she'd only walked to the end of her driveway.

He was still breathing heavily and was still enraged when she walked towards him. His heart wouldn't stop pounding and he wouldn't stop fuming.

Lauren stepped past him and started towards the house, not wanting to argue with him about how safe it was to walk down her own driveway.

Roderick spun on his heel and grabbed her arm above the elbow, jerking her back towards him.

"Where the hell are you going?" he demanded, bruising her arm.

Lauren turned to look at him angry.

"Get your hand off me," she spat.

Roderick's eyes glazed over as she defied him for the first time. She'd never said such a thing to him before.

He hardened his grip and jerked her back towards him to shake the defiance from her.

"Where the hell are you going?" he shouted louder this time, glaring at her angrily.

Lauren's mouth hardened. "Get the hell off me, Roderick."

His eyes narrowed, his hand gripping even harder. She wondered if he could break the bone.

"I said," she repeated, "Get the hell off me, Roderick."

He flung his hand off her and was still breathing heavily, enraged.

Lauren turned from him and stormed towards the house, angry as all hell.

"You don't talk to me that way," Roderick warned from behind her, still unmoving.

She spun at the top of the steps, the newspaper crumbling in her clenched fist.

"You don't put your hands on me like that," she growled through grit teeth, her eyes furious.

Roderick looked at her and he could see her breathing quicken, her pulse throbbing.

He'd seen women like this before, when he didn't call when he said he would or when he left in the morning before they woke.

But he'd never seen Lauren like this.

She was enraged, every breath threatening to burst her coiled anger.

Roderick had never pushed her around like that before. She was not about to let him man handle her like she was nothing.

Roderick took a deep breath. "Lauren, I told you not to be on the road…"

He saw Lauren's eyes widen and he realized how angry she was. He took a step backwards to prepare for her scream.

"I was not on the fucking road! Goddamnit, Roderick! I walked down my fucking driveway!" she screamed.

He'd never seen her so angry nor hear her curse so much.

"Jesus, Roderick," she dropped her tone, turning around, already feeling tired and sick of yelling.

"Lauren," he called after her, running up the steps towards her but not touching her.

She stepped away from him before he could get close enough.

"Don't you dare touch me," she spat, already seeing his anger slide underneath his cool, calculating demeanor.

He'd expected that response after he'd scarred her… not now.

Roderick stepped towards her anyways, his eyes convincing her she wanted him to.

"No," she continued, "I will not stand for you to put your hands on me like that. Don't you _dare_ put your damn hands on me. I got the fucking paper and you grabbed me like…"

She didn't want to say _'like you'd kill me.'_

Roderick leaned back against the railing of her porch and crossed his arms over his chest.

Any other woman would have begged at his feet for going to get the paper.

Louise would have hit him to provoke his anger and accepted his blows.

Lauren yelled and screamed at him, knowing that at any moment he could lash out and really hurt her… but before then, she'd make her point.

"You liked it last night," Roderick said coolly, looking at the ground.

He would hear Lauren's hiss of intake breath.

"If you ever want to come back here again, you won't put your hands on me like that," she restated evenly, meaning it.

Roderick shrugged. "We're all fucked up right?"

Lauren was infuriated, wanting to hit him with her newspaper.

Instead, she stepped forwards and slapped him across the face, glaring at him defiantly. The second she did it, his eyes snapped up to meet hers.

He stood unmoving.

Her eyes softened. "Roderick… I expect more from you… _that_ I actually do… I know you better than anyone else… and I expect you to treat me like that. I've never asked anything else from you…"

Roderick let out a deep breath, blinking expressionless. He could see that her anger was melting but she held her ground.

He knew that she was serious... he'd have to fix this or he'd lose her. He'd made a mistake when he grabbed her. He reacted out of anger and done what he'd never before.

He dropped his hands to his sides, and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," he said, the words sounding alien in his mouth. He looked up to Lauren to admit defeat. He thought she'd look pleased.

She was still furious. It wasn't enough.

"Lauren," he continued, "I won't do it again unless you ask me to."

Her face softened but he could tell she was still upset with him.

"I mean it," he said, stepping towards her, "I won't treat you like that. I never meant to… I thought you ignored what I said and it made me furious."

Lauren shrugged. "Even still… don't grab me like that again…"

Roderick sighed, kissing her forehead. "I won't… you have my word."

Lauren sighed, relaxing. She knew that he understood the difference between him being rough with her and him manhandling her.

She reached up, running her fingers through his hair and pulling him roughly towards her, meeting his lips with hers.

When she let him go, he stayed close and saw their agreement in her eyes. She would let him be who he was, but he had to maintain his control around her.

"You knows the ways I like you being rough with me," she winked, "Stick to that."

Roderick grinned, feeling the tension melt away.

"Yes, ma'am," he winked, his Midwestern drawl thick, the way she liked it.

"You know," he drawled, "I could get rough with you the way you like right about now…"

Lauren winked at him, "Is that so, Sheriff?"

He grinned, "Yes, ma'am… do I have your consent?"

Lauren swatted at him playfully.

A burst of sound came around them, a vibration and a soft beeping.

Lauren stepped away, confused.

Roderick reached into his pocket, pulling out the cell phone he had forgotten was in there.

He pressed a button and held the phone up to his ear, already looking away from Lauren.

"Roderick," a voice demanded.

"What?" he asked briskly, already angry of hearing from Jacob.

"Joe needs you back," Jacob said, a quiet behind him. Roderick guessed he was at the manor in Joe's study.

"You can tell Joe I'll be back after I secure the scene out here… damage control needs to be done," Roderick ordered, his dominance prickling Lauren's skin. She wondered if he was making something up or he'd actually be needing to do that.

"You need to come back," Jacob said softer, more intimidated.

Roderick balled his fists, angry. How dare Jacob be giving him orders.

"I'll be back in a little while," he said again, "I need to keep up appearances as Sheriff."

Roderick turned towards Lauren. "I need to go…"

Lauren nodded, intimidated. She didn't like hearing about his dealings with Joe Carroll.

Roderick had become hardened again, annoyed, and brutal. He swept past her into the house, towards her bedroom.

She followed him as he collected the rest of his clothes and shoes.

"If I'm not here by sundown, I'll be around tomorrow," he said, picking up his shirt and pulling it over his head.

"If I'm not here, I'll send someone from the station over to watch your driveway tonight…" Roderick said, sitting on her bed and pulling on his shoes.

Lauren crossed her arms over her chest. "You think that's necessary?"

Roderick shrugged. "I can't be two places at once… I'd rather take the precaution."

Lauren nodded, feeling chills on her spine. She'd rather Roderick be there with her… or not need protection at all. She hoped it wouldn't come to that.

Roderick stood, adjusting his shirt and brushing the hair out of his eyes.

He wanted to say something more reassuring to her but he couldn't find any kind of reassuring feeling after hearing from Jacob. His demeanor was cold.

Lauren saw it and nodded. "Let me know…"

Roderick kissed her on the cheek as he passed her by, hand sliding into her hair.

He stepped past her and out through the front door, down the front steps.

Lauren stood on the front porch and watched him go, no stranger to seeing him called away… but this time it was by someone scarier than she could think of.


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for the reviews, everyone :) Nothing makes me happier than a good review/note after an update! It makes me keep em coming!

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Lauren had spent the day reading and wasting away time on her laptop. She ached to go running or to go into town to browse a shop, get groceries, or even walk along the street… but she knew Roderick would disapprove.

Her day sounded relaxing and the kind that she'd needed, but it wasn't. Truth be told, she couldn't relax if she wanted to. Her muscles were stiff at attention and every noise she heard made her look twice.

Roderick didn't scare her. Nameless followers of Joe Carroll, the real monsters, did.

She'd even looked up Carroll online. The FBI said they were getting closer but obviously they were ten steps behind. She tried not to read the articles and news reports about civilians being killed if they were in the way. She tried not to read the terms _'throat slit,' 'harpooned,' _or '_stabbed.'_ It seemed like most of the people killing were followers, not Joe Carroll…people who mean to impress him and show their dedication. She wondered if Roderick had killed in the same way when Carroll got out of prison.

Those thoughts had sent her from her laptop, closing the top with a shaking hand. She knew Roderick had killed for Joe Carroll…. and very recently. She wondered if he thought of the way he killed for Carroll and the cause differently than of the way he killed for pleasure.

She closed her eyes and rubbed between them. Roderick was cold. He killed people because he liked it… he was killing now because it was his job.

But he was no longer liking his job… Joe Carroll had betrayed him… Lauren hoped the killing for him would stop as well.

Gingerly, she rose from her desk, head heavy with thoughts of killing and blood. She checked her watch, it was seven thirty. It was getting dark. She knew Roderick probably wouldn't come tonight… and she knew where he would be.

Knowing she'd barely eaten all day, she pulled herself to the kitchen and dug through the fridge, pushing past Roderick's leftover beers. She pulled out some lettuce to make herself a salad.

Knife about to slice into the romaine, she heard tires on her driveway gravel. Slow, cautious tires, not the erratic driving of Roderick. It was someone else.

Knife still in her hand, Lauren carefully tiptoed along the hallway wall, where she could look outside.

She saw a county sheriff's department cruiser edging slowly, but it wasn't him.

Lauren still held her breath, unsure.

The cruiser parked and Deputy Max Hutchinson stepped out of the car, adjusting his jacket, looking over Lauren's house.

She relaxed. She'd know Max for years. Taking a step towards the front door, she realized she still had the knife in her hand.

Laughing at how awkward that initial contact would be, she hurried to the kitchen to put it away before she opened the front door.

Max had taken his time surveying around her house and the surrounding woods. He was at the bottom of her stairs when she finally opened the door.

"Hey there, Lauren," he beamed with a smile. He was pure New England, Havenport to the T.

She smiled, pushing her hair off her shoulder. "Max, what are you doing here?"

She knew the answer but still tried to act surprised.

"Tim said you had some kids fooling around in the woods and vandalizing property. He asked if I'd take some time tonight to check it out and keep on eye on things for you," he said holding her gaze steadily, standing straighter to get her attention, eyes on her scar.

"Oh, yeah, I'm glad Tim took me seriously," Lauren mused, "Who knows what trouble those teenagers could get into!"

_Nice story, Roderick_, she thought, _Keep your friend on the lookout for strangers prowling my woods._

Max smiled. "And you know I don't pass up an opportunity to see a gorgeous face."

Lauren blushed. "Can I get you a drink or something?"

Max shook his head, looking off into the woods. "No, thank you, though. I'll be in my cruiser most of the night. You shouldn't even notice I'm out here."

Lauren nodded, hoping he was right. The thought of someone on her property to look out for her made her nervous of the alternative.

Deputy Max Hutchinson strolled back to his cruiser, still looking around like he was looking for more than rowdy teenagers.

Lauren wondered if Max was in the following, too… and if he really knew what was going on….

Lauren had heard the voice of the person who called Roderick earlier. He sounded mad. If Joe Carroll was mad that Roderick was gone and had been with Lauren, he might do something to prevent that from happening again. Roderick could hold his own. She doubted that anyone in the following would confront him directly, but she knew that anyone like that would view her as easy prey.

Lauren did her best to be a strong, confident woman, the type that Roderick liked to kill when he first met her and also the same type of person he'd like to recruit. She did her best to hold steady and persevere, the same qualities that Roderick admired in bed, but she knew it still lacked. She could defend herself against a mugger or a carjacker, but not a killer. Mugger and robbers want items and things. Killers wanted your life. There was no bargaining, no clever tricks, or diversions. Lauren knew that if she faced a killer, she'd lose.

When she checked the doors and windows before she went to bed, Lauren could see Max walking down her driveway, peering into the woods, flashlight off and at his side so as not to hinder his night vision

When she finally started to fall asleep, after hours of listening to the dark and hearing crickets, she hoped that Max would stay until dawn. Sure someone could kill him if they wanted to get to her but again, it made her feel better.

Lauren hoped Roderick was overreacting but she wasn't quite sure. She hoped she wouldn't have to find out the hard way.

* * *

When she woke, Max Hutchinson was gone. His cruiser had left tire tracks in her driveway and his boots left marks in the soft ground at the edge of the trees. Lauren felt relieved as she sipped tea on her front porch in her pajamas and slippers.

She felt like Roderick had overreacted, that Max being there hadn't been necessary and it'd only made her more nervous.

Then again…. Roderick knew what and who he was dealing with… and he'd thought it was necessary.

Lauren shook her head, trying to rid herself of the thought.

At her feet, her morning paper lay. Max Hutchinson had delivered it from the end of the driveway. She made a mental note to tell Roderick he'd gotten it for her rather than her walking down to the end of the driveway.

Lauren spent the rest of the day reading novels she said she'd read last year. She put away her winter clothes and cleaned out the attic.

She tried not to feel like she was under house arrest. She tried not to think about where Roderick was or what was happening.

If this was any other day, Lauren would have carried on with her life like she'd done when he first left her. She would have gone for a run and gotten some groceries, treating herself to a movie at home and ice cream. She would have carried on like nothing ever happened.

If this was any other day, she would have basked in the glory that she could remain unattached and independent.

But today, she felt stifled. She felt trapped, she felt dependent. She hated it.

The daylight made her feel less nervous, more irritated. She didn't like that she was waiting around for Roderick. She'd never done that before.

As darkness crept, Lauren's annoyance fled, nerves inching their way back into her brain.

She was on the couch watching TV when she heard familiar tires on the gravel from the end of the road. She suspected that Max Hutchinson was back for night watch #2.

But then she heard the engine get closer and the car sped up despite the gravel. Max drove slowly. It was not him.

Lauren stood up quickly, eyes on the ground, ear turned towards the road, listening.

The brakes squealed and gravel was kicked onto the porch like little hailstones. Lauren knew without a doubt it was Roderick.

She waited for a second, knowing that if he was mad, she better stay away and let him cool down.

She waited a little longer but never heard the door open.

Lauren started walking towards the front door and through the front window, she could see Roderick's cruiser, idling in the driveway.

As she opened her door and stepped onto the porch, he opened his car door.

Sweat beaded his forehead and his hair hung disheveled in his eyes. Holding onto the door frame, Roderick pulled himself out of the cruiser in agony, blood pooling at his feet.


	9. Chapter 9

"Oh shit."

The words were out of Lauren's mouth before she could move.

Roderick pulled himself out of the cruiser, holding onto the doorframe, his face emotionless except for the cringe of pain.

He looked up at Lauren and looked like he was drowning. Lauren could see three bloody wounds in his torso.

She nearly tripped running down the stairs to get to him, adrenaline pounding her ears. It was dark and the cruiser's headlights hadn't shut off yet, giving Lauren some light. Roderick clutched his side, putting pressure on one of his wounds.

Lauren slipped under his free arm, already dragging him to her house, hearing him wince and his ragged breathing punctuate every step.

"Jesus, Roderick," was all she managed to get out as she realized she was quickly becoming covered in his blood and that he was losing a lot of it.

Roderick chuckled through the pain. The bullet holes hurt like shit but he was trying to block it out. His cold demeanor had slipped back when he'd come back to consciousness and realized that he'd been shot by a follower. Joe Carroll hadn't even done it himself.

"What the hell happened?" Lauren asked, kicking the front door closed with her foot as they went through it.

"Well," Roderick said, taking a deep breath and realizing it hurt, "I took an insurance policy and it didn't pay off."

Lauren looked at him as she drug him into the kitchen.

"I took Joey Carroll," he finished as she slid him down onto the floor.

"Jesus Christ," Lauren muttered knowing fully well that this was how Roderick had gotten himself almost killed.

"Nope," Roderick smiled, his hands bloody, "Just me."

Lauren rolled her eyes, grabbing some paper towels, trying not to notice that her whole house was tracked in blood.

Roderick took a breath and winced, it even hurt to move.

"I have an emergency kit in the back of the car. Go get it," he ordered, back to his normal, in charge self.

Lauren got up, slipping in a pool of blood and ran out of the house. She grabbed the emergency kit out of the back of the cruiser and rushed back in, slipping on the same puddle.

She knelt down in front of Roderick, already pulling the kit open. As he started to give her directions, she was already cutting away his shirt, seeing fully well the bullet holes and flesh soaked in blood.

Lauren winced, ordering her adrenaline to keep control so her nerves wouldn't. She was usually queasy at the sight of blood and even passed out when getting it drawn but she couldn't let that happen now.

"Give me some gauze," Roderick commanded in a weak voice.

Lauren rummaged through the kit, finding a long strip and cutting it into three pieces. She handed it to him and he put pressure on the wound at his shoulder, cringing as he did.

"Oh my god," Lauren stammered, her hands starting to shake. She wasn't a nurse. She didn't know what to do. Roderick had been shot three times and was now bloody on her kitchen floor.

As if on cue, Roderick looked up through the hair in his eyes. "It's not so bad…"

"You need a hospital," Lauren said shakily, "I don't know what I'm doing…"

Roderick took a deep breath, pain surging, his eyes widening in the shock. "You'll be fine… get the forceps out."

Lauren did what she was told, wishing she could wash her hands and put her hair up but there would be no time for that. Hair in her eyes, she swatted it away, slicking it with blood.

She shook, everything in the bag becoming bloody as she fumbled for the forceps, pulling them out and then looking at Roderick.

He let his hand fall away from the wound at his shoulder. "The other bullets went straight through… this one has to come out."

He looked down at his shoulder.

Lauren looked at him. "No fucking way. There is _no_ way that I'm digging around for a bullet!"

Roderick rolled his eyes. "The longer it stays in, the greater chance of infection. It has to come out."

Lauren whined, a face Roderick had never seen before, making him smile. Lauren wanted to hit him.

"Son of a bitch," she said in defeat, realizing she'd have to do it.

Roderick turned his head away to give her more room.

She put her left hand on his bicep to steady herself, the forceps in her right, ready.

Lauren took a deep breath and put the forceps in, feeling it push flesh and blood out of the way as it went deeper. She cringed and willed herself to get this over with. Roderick held his breath in pain and closed his eyes, trying to keep still.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit," she kept saying, trying to apologize for the pain in some way.

Roderick started to breath heavily, trying to displace the pain and focus on his breathing. Every breath, however, forced the forceps deeper.

Finally, the forceps hit something solid. Lauren hoped it was the bullet and not a bone. She almost opened her mouth to ask Roderick what to do now but she didn't.

With the forceps neatly against the bullet, she opened them and slid them around the edges of the bullet, Roderick's eyes shooting open in pain.

She wanted to rip the bullet out and get this over with but she went slowly, sliding it out, Roderick convulsing in pain. As the bullet came out in the forceps, blood flooded behind it. She tossed the bloody forceps and bullet to the floor and traded them for gauze, pressing it against the wound.

Roderick's hung head slowly came up. His breathing was still labored, still pained. His vision was going blurry.

"That was horrible," she said wincing, "Now what?"

Roderick's skin felt cool against her hands. He gulped. "This is going to hurt like hell… but pour hydrogen peroxide straight into the wounds."

Lauren almost jumped to her feet. "Are you kidding me?"

Roderick smirked, wincing. "Do you have a better idea?"

Lauren shut her mouth, looking down at her arms, covered in blood up to the elbows. Taking the peroxide out of the kit, she pulled his hand away from his wounds and poured. He cringed, gritting his teeth and kicking his leg, eyes scrunched tightly shut.

When she was done, he finally relaxed as much as he could. He was sore, but no worse for wear. Lauren had taken out the bullet in his shoulder and the other two had gone straight through, missing vital organs.

He was glad he didn't have to ask her to stitch him up. He knew by experience it was better to let bullet wounds heal naturally than to stitch them, it kept the bacteria in.

He saw Lauren stand up and get warm water and paper towels. She began cleaning him, gently washing away the blood from his chest and his stomach. She knew it'd be impossible to get him into the shower to clean up.

He watched her clean him and take care of him. Any wounds he'd ever gotten, he'd dressed himself.

She had him cleaned and began to bandage his wounds, slathering antibiotic salve onto the gauze before pressing it against the wound and taping it. She guessed she'd have a few hours before having to change the dressings.

Roderick's eyes began getting weak as she finished, admiring her scar. Now they'd both been covered in each other's blood.

When she looked up at him, her brow was furrowed in concern.

"Thanks," he mumbled, looking behind her and seeing the slicks of blood across her floor.

Lauren shrugged. She shouldn't have been so surprised to see him showing up bloody and shot at her door.

He gave her a weak smile and touched her hand. It was the most affection he could muster.

Her adrenaline wouldn't let her smile back, her lip was still quivering and her nerves finally rose up. This scared the shit out of her and it was finally settling in. He, on the other hand, was calm and cool, keeping it together with three bullet wounds in him. She had held it together and gotten through it now here he was bandaged and weak on her floor.

Roderick looked up and met her gaze through a shield of hair. Although he would never say it, the look in his eyes told her exactly how much he felt for her.


	10. Chapter 10

When he woke, Roderick blinked wildly, forgetting where he was. He'd expected to wake up on the wood floor in the house where he'd taken Joey Carroll.

Instead, he was in Lauren's bed, sitting up against a pile of pillows, gauze taped to his bare chest. He looked down inspecting his wounds, wincing when he breathed too hard.

He sat up as much as he could and looked around the bedroom looking for Lauren, looking to see if her shoes were still there- but then he heard it. He heard scrubbing in the kitchen. He leaned back into the pillows, grimacing, but relieved.

Roderick cleared his throat and the scrubbing sound stopped. He wondered if she was doing dishes. Roderick pulled the covers off his legs and dropped them off the side of the bed. His chest ached but he'd felt worse before. He leaned forward and tried to stand, but the pressure in his chest was too much.

Still, he tried again, standing up, hands out to steady himself. It hurt to breathe, but walking wasn't too bad.

He peered around the doorway into the kitchen and he saw Lauren stand up and turn around.

She had on rubber gloves streaked with blood and a scrubbing brush in one hand. Her hair had fallen out of her ponytail in strands around her face, she brushed them away with the back of her gloved hand.

She looked exhausted.

Roderick took in a breath. "I'm sorry about your floors…"

Lauren shrugged. "It's nothing. How's your chest?"

Roderick shrugged and tried to hide his grimace.

"If you mix water and bleach, it should take out bloodstains," he said carefully, embarrassed that he'd stained her floor and that he knew the best way to remove bloodstains.

Lauren took a deep breath, looking down at her feet, shaking her head. It wasn't about the floors.

She drew in a ragged breath and swallowed, looking at the scrubbing brush.

Roderick thought carefully about what to say but nothing came to him.

"I, uh, put your cruiser in the old barn and um," Lauren said quietly as she continued to stare at the floor, "I put your gun and belt in my safe-"

Roderick blinked. "Lauren, I-"

She continued. "And I brushed away the tire tracks and disabled your cruiser's GPS and laptop-"

"Lauren-"

"And I closed the gate at the end of the road and I destroyed the SIM card in your cell phone-"

"Lauren, stop!" Roderick ordered, frustrated, his brow furrowed.

Lauren finally looked up, struggling to keep a handle on her composure. Roderick leaned on the doorframe for support. Lauren looked at him in a way he'd never seen before. She'd never given him a look like this. She looked vulnerable and almost… scared.

Lauren knew who Roderick was, what he did, but she didn't want to be in any part of it. She knew he was dangerous, that he was with Joe Carroll and all kinds of other dangerous people, and that they were in this town… but she didn't expect to have him show up bloody at her door.

It'd made everything real.

She had been able to look beyond his past and who he thought he was and see the man she knew he was… but this brought her back to the ground. Maybe he was who he thought he was.

And that the danger was very real. There were real monsters now.

It terrified her.

"I need to go out for a few hours," Roderick finally said reluctantly, already knowing she'd fight him about it, "I need you to get my extra uniform and jacket out of the cruiser."

As expected, Lauren's eyes widened and she almost threw the scrubbing brush in anger.

"Are you kidding me? You were shot three times last night, you can barely stand, and you need to go _out_?" she almost screamed. She didn't add that she was terrified of what other kind of people were out there.

Roderick took a cool breath. "Yes. I need to go out."

Lauren looked exasperated and like she wanted to hit him. If she hadn't been shot, she would have thrown the scrubbing brush at him.

"You can't be serious," she dropped her tone, trying to reason with him.

"There is no discussion," he said and Lauren could hear his voice deepen and his dominance assert itself. He was in no mood to reason with her.

"Roderick, I-" she started.

"No," he growled, "Now get me my things."

Lauren stood her ground for a moment, feeling his dominance prickle over her skin in a way that she would have found enticing in any other moment, but then she resigned. She knew he was in no mood to be convinced or persuaded. She knew he would do what he wanted regardless of what she said.

Not meeting his eyes, she pulled off her rubber gloves and dropped them and the scrubbing brush into the sink. Looking away from him, she slipped past him and out the front door.

He reasoned that this was difficult for her. Last night, she could barely get through taking the bullet out and cleaning him up. This was not her life, it was his. He'd told her before that he'd kept her out of the following and that life for a reason… but now he'd brought it to her front door.

He wished he didn't have to come to her home, but there was no other option. Joe Carroll thought he was dead and, for the time being, it was the best option. He needed to keep it that way.

Lauren was the only one he could come to who he wouldn't have to give explanations and remind her not to call 911.

But in doing that, he brought everything she hated and didn't understand. She'd accepted him and understood that he'd killed people, but she'd never understood how he followed Joe Carroll and she didn't want any part of it.

_Too late_, he thought, shrugging.

Lauren returned with his bag from the trunk of the car and, coolly, she dropped it next to his feet and continued to her bedroom, not saying a word.

She didn't know what to say to him. She wanted to scream at him for going back and to say that he was lucky he didn't die but she knew he'd brush her off. She knew he'd handle this in a way only Roderick could; cool and in total control.

Lauren sighed, running her hands through her hair and looking at the ceiling.

She was furious at him… but was grateful he'd come to her and had come alive.

She tried to calm herself down, breathing slowly, and trying to get a grip on herself.

This was Roderick. She really couldn't be that mad. This was who he was. This was what he did. He'd kept it out of her sight long enough out of respect and manners, but there was no denying it now.

She closed her eyes and tried to reason with herself. There was no reasoning with Roderick. He would do whatever he wanted, with or without her. There was no stopping him.

Lauren put her hands behind her neck, stretching, taking in a deep breath and letting her equilibrium settle back in.

Roderick's voice came quietly, but firmly behind her. "I'll need your help."

There was no asking nicely or any please. His mood hadn't lifted.

Lauren turned, nodding, and Roderick could see a change in her eyes. Her anger had subsided.

He set his bag on her bed and took out his pants, shimmying them on over his boxers, although it hurt his chest to button them.

Carefully leaning over, he took out his uniform shirt, holding it out to her, not meeting her eyes.

Lauren unbuttoned it and took his left hand, sliding the shirt around his arm, behind his back, and slid his right arm through it. Roderick stood still but watched her.

Roderick lifted his hands to button the shirt, but she stepped closer and reached up, doing it for him.

Roderick looked down at her as she buttoned his shirt, her fingers working carefully not to bump his chest. She didn't look up but she knew he was watching her.

Leaning down, she took out his tie and tied it for him, trying to be gentle.

As she reached for his jacket, his badge still attached, he reached up and touched her scar, cupping her jawline, silently asking for her to look at him.

Lauren met his eyes and he wanted to apologize for scaring her and for showing up bloody. He wanted to say thank you for taking care of him last night and for helping him to dress now.

But he didn't say anything. He just looked at her.

Despite the lack of words, Lauren knew exactly what he wanted to say.

Roderick leaned down and kissed her gently, apologizing for snapping at her moments ago.

Lauren kissed him back, accepting his apology.

When he pulled away, Roderick frowned slightly. "When I go out… it's better if you come with me…"

Lauren frowned immediately, already not wanting to go anywhere that he was going to.

Roderick kissed her again before she could protest.

"I wish you could stay here, but I can't take that risk… I'd have a deputy watch your house but Sheriff Tim Nelson is either dead or missing at this time. And I can't take the chance that anyone knows I've come here…" he said carefully, "If Joe Carroll knows I'm still alive and that I've come here… I know what they'd do to you…"

Lauren's breathing became shallow. She'd thought the night when Deputy Max Hutchinson had guarded her home was the worst she'd get… she was wrong. She'd been scared of the real monsters but now they'd be looking for Roderick, and her, if they thought he might still be alive.

Roderick hoped she wouldn't protest.

"I'm serious, Lauren. You can't stay here and definitely not alone. If they got to you…," he shook his head, "You'd be dead… but it'd be a long time before they actually killed you."

Lauren shivered. She wasn't sure what scared her more… the idea that someone could be coming for her… or that Roderick knew firsthand what the followers did to people… because he'd led and ordered them to.

She reached down for his jacket and held it open for him to slip it on. After it was on and she zipped it up, he took out a black hat and sunglasses from his bag, then sitting down to put on his shoes.

Lauren turned to her closet and took out an old duffel bag, beginning to stuff some clothes into it, mostly long sleeve shirts and other layers. She wasn't sure where they were going or how long they'd be gone but she didn't want to ask.

Taking off her sweatpants and sweater, she put on heavy jeans, thick socks, a long sleeve shirt, and took out her heavy corduroy coat.

As Roderick tied his shoes, Lauren went to her safe, taking out his Sheriff issued 9mm and service belt and her own .22 and 9mm handguns.

In the bedroom, Roderick was standing, her bag slung over his shoulder; he'd made her bed.

Lauren handed Roderick both 9mms and his belt and put the .22 in her coat pocket.

Roderick smirked as he put the belt on and adjusted his 9mm in its holster. "I thought you didn't like guns…"

Lauren nodded. "That's why they're locked up."

Roderick smiled, sliding her 9mm into the back of his belt.

"We can't take my cruiser, we'll have to take your truck. You'll be driving," Roderick said as he put on the hat and the sunglasses.

As Lauren stepped out on the porch, she had to know, she had to ask.

"Where are we going?"

Roderick didn't look back at her as he went down the stairs, looking towards her truck, her bag over his shoulder.

"Kentucky," he replied casually, walking out to the truck.

"What the hell is in Kentucky?" she asked, following him down the stairs.

Roderick turned to face her but continue to walk backwards, "Nathan Mead. I watched Joe kill his brother Charlie."

* * *

I'm not sure how I felt about this one… not a whole lot going on. Sorry guys. Hopefully the next one will be better!


	11. Chapter 11

Eight hours later, and a call to her office to explain a family emergency, Roderick directed Lauren to turn down a Kentucky back road.

She'd been quiet as she drove, not sure what to say and not sure if she even wanted to say anything at all.

Roderick's eyes stayed glued to the road, sweeping in front of them and then behind. Lauren felt uneasy being dragged into this wild goose chase of a road trip.

She hadn't asked any questions, sure that if Roderick answered, they answers either wouldn't be clear or they wouldn't be something she wanted to know.

As she turned down the desolate road, she could tell they were getting closer. The sun was starting to go down and she got a chill realizing Roderick may be leading her farther into the rabbit hole of the following.

"So…" she said uncomfortable, navigating the dirt road, "What's going to happen now?"

Lauren glanced over at Roderick but his eyes stayed on the road.

"When we get there, stay in the truck," he said evenly, his tone that of absolute control.

Lauren gripped the steering wheel, rolling her eyes. She'd hoped she'd get more of an answer than that. She decided to suck it up and ask.

"Who's Nathan Mead and why did we drive eight hours to get here?" she said, trying to sound demanding and assertive.

Roderick smirked, chuckling at her attempt to sound like him. He knew he could get away with short, noncommittal answers for a while, but it may be better if she knew the situation in case it didn't go as he planned.

"I recruited Nathan's brother, Charlie, years ago. He was the first of the followers beside myself. He was ex-military, in the Cyber Surveillance Unit, spent four years in Baghdad, and two in Kandahar. He'd killed nine people during his service. When he was psychiatrically discharged, he was in a deep depression and I brought him to meet Joe. Joe noted that Charlie's demons controlled him and that if he was loyal to Joe, that he would teach him how to be free. Charlie was very loyal. He set up the server that I used to recruit additional followers. After that, his main assignment was to follow Claire Matthews and report her activity.

When Joe escaped, he asked Charlie to bring Claire to him. Charlie was able to bring Claire in but the FBI found her. When Charlie couldn't get Claire back, he realized he'd failed Joe… Charlie knew that there was only one way to regain Joe's faith in him and the only way to truly free himself from disappointment… he asked Joe if he would kill him…" Roderick said, an edge of resentment in his voice.

When Roderick looked at Lauren, she looked pale. _Into the rabbit hole…_

"Being killed by Joe is an honor," Roderick added, "But Charlie's brother, Nathan, will be pretty pissed about it. At least I hope so, I'm counting on it."

Lauren blinked, thinking. _'Being killed by Joe is an honor.'_

"What are you hoping he'll do?" she asked, already thinking of her next question.

"Nathan and Charlie grew up in a civilian militia group. Charlie went into the service but Nathan stayed in the militia. He's quite high up now, it's the reason I didn't recruit him. He was already loyal to a different organization. Nathan hasn't heard from Charlie since I recruited him. Finding out his brother has been killed by an escaped infamous serial killer may get his militia moving towards Havenport… especially if I can give him everything he needs," Roderick said, his voice full of testosterone, "There is no way I could get close enough to Joe to kill him. The militia will get the job done… and destroy the following completely."

Lauren thought, not looking at him. He'd been mad the other night that Joe had betrayed him but now he was furious, bent on destroying everything he'd helped build.

Roderick smirked. If Joe wanted him to be ruthless… he would be.

Lauren approached her next question carefully.

"If being killed by Joe is an honor, what are you more mad about? That Joe ordered someone to kill you or that he didn't kill you himself?" she asked cautiously.

Roderick didn't answer. He wasn't sure. He was furious that Joe had betrayed him and used him… but he knew that Joe wouldn't personally kill him. Joe wouldn't give him that honor. He didn't want it now anyways. He had taken Joey, he understood that Joe would want him dead, but he'd sent someone clearly inefficient for the task. Noticeably he was still alive.

"Turn here," Roderick directed and Lauren turned, feeling her stomach knot up as she saw a large cabin, with lights on inside, at the end of the road.

Before she got too close, Roderick put his hand out to stop her.

"Stop here," he said, eyes on the house, "Stay in the truck."

Roderick didn't look at her as he got out, closing the truck door loudly. He wanted Nathan to know he was there, but still didn't want to get too close.

He scanned the perimeter as he approached the house and Lauren watched from the darkness of the truck, Roderick's hands at his side, ready to draw his weapon if necessary.

She watched Roderick climb the steps and knock on the door, then casually looking towards the windows and then into the woods.

A tall man in jeans and a flannel shirt opened the door with a rifle in his hand. Lauren watched nervously as Roderick spoke with the man and she could barely hear their voices.

The man at the door withdrew his rifle and stepped aside, letting Roderick into the house, looking out into the darkness behind him before he shut the door.

Lauren let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She felt uneasy and worried.

She tried to shake her head. Roderick should be able to hand any situation he walked himself into… but she still didn't like it.

She did not want to be here. Granted, she was happy she wasn't sitting at home waiting for Joe Carroll's people to find her, but she'd rather not be in some backwoods Kentucky town alone in a truck. Something about this made her horribly uncomfortable. This was a part of Roderick's life that she didn't want to witness or be involved in.

Minutes felt like hours and there wasn't any sign of Roderick. It was cold, but Lauren rolled down her window in case she could hear anything more.

Lauren began to think of scenarios that might arise…

If Roderick didn't come out, what should she do? She couldn't go to the police and she surely wouldn't go knock on the door and ask for him.

If the sun came up and Roderick was still inside, what would she do? Stay where she was or move the truck out of the driveway?

If Roderick came out, followed by others? Take out her gun and try to cover him? No way… she knew how to use a gun but she wasn't that good, especially not enough to play hero.

Deep in thought, something jarred her out of her thinking and the hairs on her neck stood on end.

A branch snapped in the woods beside the truck, right outside her open window. Close.

Taking a deep breath, trying to gather her courage and tell herself it was probably just a raccoon, she turned her head, her breathing shallow.

Instead, a very large man with a very large rifle stood at her door, the rifle tucked in his shoulder, pointed at her head, inches from her skin.

Lauren froze, her eyes dilating.

"Goddamnit, Williams!" the man growled, his head cocked and voice behind him, "I told you to be fucking quiet. Lord knows I ain't taking you anywhere anymore!"

The man turned back to Lauren, rifle still held high. He had a very thick beard and a hat on. Lauren couldn't see anyone behind him in the darkness.

"Evenin' ma'am," he said sarcastically, rifle still in place, "You know, this is private property… and in Kentucky, we ain't too fond of calling the law… we prefer to deal with trespassers ourselves."

Someone behind him snickered. The man rolled his eyes at his counterparts.

Lauren remained frozen. She'd never been at the opposite end of a rifle before.

The man smiled, coughed, and did his best police officer impression. "Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the vehicle. Sherriff's orders."

Lauren didn't move. Roderick told her to stay in the truck. He definitely didn't tell her about this…

The man rolled his eyes. "The Sherriff would like you to come inside."

Lauren looked up towards the cabin, not seeing any sign of Roderick, and looked back at the man.

He lowered his rifle a few inches but did not withdraw it completely. "Let's go, darlin'…"

Taking one last look at the cabin, Lauren swallowed. She felt uneasy.

As she moved to open the door, the man outside withdrew his rifle and opened the door from the outside.

Stepping out and feeling her boots on the cold ground, she saw three other men step forward from the darkness.

Eyes on her, the man in front of her towered over her, one hand on his rifle and the other in his pocket.

"I'll ask you nicely," he said in a southern drawl, "Are you armed?"

Lauren felt the heavy weight of the .22 in her pocket and started to shake her head no, but then realized that if this is a militia group, they would search her and they'd find it anyways and she might be in a worse situation.

She nodded but she didn't reach for it. Reaching for a weapon was as good as being shot.

"Right pocket of my coat," she said quietly.

"Good girl," he said with a bearded smile.

He stepped forward, reached into her pocket, and took out the .22. He tested its weight in his hand and handed it to someone behind him.

The large man stepped aside and motioned into the darkness. "After you."

Lauren frowned and stepped past him. All of this felt strange. She wasn't sure if they were really taking her to Roderick or not, but there was no sense in defying them. That would just get her killed.

One man in front of her led the way while a man on either side flanked out to cover them. The large man stayed behind her. All men had rifles tucked into their shoulders and kept them raised.

They moved quietly, eyes forward, sweeping the area. It was like their legs were detached from their bodies, carefully avoiding branches and twigs without having to look. Lauren had to look at the ground to keep from stumbling.

Within moments, they approached a dark, dilapidated barn. The man Lauren was following went straight to a door on the side of the barn while the two men on the sides turned their backs and scanned the area.

Lauren really wondered if there was anything anywhere these men had to worry about.

The barn smelled musty and old and was very dark. Lauren paused inside the door, not able to see anything but the large man behind her nudged her in farther.

Finally, on the other side of the barn, a light came on and Lauren shielded her eyes, feeling the man behind her pushing her in farther.

The barn was full of old tractors and machinery but complete with a wall of semiautomatic weapons. The man who pushed her in started to pat her down, checking to make sure she'd been honest about only having one weapon.

Lauren carefully looked around the barn. Roderick was definitely not there. She felt uneasy and uncomfortable, but yet she stayed quiet.

She was definitely far down the rabbit hole.

The man who'd brought her here stepped in front of her while the man who'd led the way cleaned a gun in the corner.

"Maryland license plate," he said in a gruff voice, "What the hell are you doing all the way out here?"

Lauren swallowed. Her palms were sweaty and her coat was barely keeping her warm.

"I came with the Sheriff," she said, not meeting his eyes, "He came to speak with Nathan Mead."

The man chuckled. "At this time of night? Ain't no way it's on official business…"

Lauren didn't say anything. She wasn't sure if that was a question.

The man stiffened, touching his beard. "Why the hell are you out here?"

Lauren didn't know how much to say. Surely she shouldn't tell this man about Roderick's plans…

"Do I need to repeat myself?" he growled, "Why the hell are you out here?"

Lauren's head swam with different options of what to say… if to say anything at all.

"Aw, hell," the man in the corner said, gun in hand at his side, cigarette dangling from his mouth.

It took him four strides to get to Lauren and as he finished the fourth, he reached out and hit Lauren with his unarmed hand.

It hadn't been hard, not hard at all, but enough to make her neck snap to the side. She'd grown up with three brothers and the hit hadn't been bad. It was loose handed, with no real muscle behind it.

He'd just wanted to make a point.

The man in front of her pushed the other away.

"Goddamnit, Adam, what the fuck are you doing?" he yelled at the cigarette smoking, gun-wielding man.

He shook him off. "You're too fucking soft, Caleb. You wanna know shit, you gotta ask right. Pretty please ain't gonna get you shit."

Adam walked back to her corner, arms crossed and watching.

Caleb looked back at Lauren who had a red cheek but wasn't worse for wear.

"What are you doing out here?" Caleb asked again with a firmer voice.

Lauren frowned, looking at Adam. "The Sheriff needed to talk to Nathan Mead about his brother, Charlie."

Caleb chuckled. "Nah, I don't think he'll care all that much. And we both know that Maryland Sheriffs don't make house calls at this time of night in Kentucky…"

Lauren shifted her weight. A cell phone rang and Caleb fished it out of his pocket.

"Yeah?" he answered, "Alright…"

Caleb grinned as he hung up the phone. "The Nathan Mead would like to see you now."


	12. Chapter 12

The group of four men, Caleb, Adam, and the two unnamed others, escorted Lauren to the cabin in the same diamond formation as before.

Adam and the others stayed outside as Caleb led her in. The cabin smelled old like the barn but not as dusty and much warmer.

Caleb knocked on a closed door before opening it, ushering Lauren in before him.

Stumbling into the room, Lauren got her footing and looked up to see a dimly lit room. A man sat hunched over, elbows on his knees in a chair at the far end of the room. Roderick stood in the corner, coat off, arms crossed over his chest, back leaning against the wall.

The man in the chair glanced up and looked over Lauren, noticing her scar. She could tell he was tall even sitting down. He had warm brown hair that fell into his eyes and wore a long sleeved shirt.

She looked to Roderick who seemed very calm, even uncaring. He noticed her cheek and his eyes showed his rage.

"Nathan," Roderick said carefully, "I'm surprised at your way of showing hospitality to guests…"

The man, presumably Nathan, looked to Caleb. "As am I…"

Caleb swallowed hard. "I'll be speaking with Adam…"

Roderick's hands clenched into fists. Now he knew who he'd be punishing himself. He doubted Nathan would mind if he killed Adam.

"I- I'm fine," Lauren stammered, not wanting to feel responsible for whatever happened to Adam.

Nathan's smirked. He looked to Roderick for a response.

"I'm sure she is…" Roderick said evenly, calming down, "She can handle a lot…"

Nathan looked at Lauren's scar, sure of who put it there, "I can see that."

Lauren felt uncomfortable having these men talk about her like she wasn't there.

Nathan looked to Roderick. "Caleb will go over plans with you. Plan on moving out tomorrow."

Roderick nodded, approaching Lauren and Caleb, his posture relaxed.

"Stay here," he said quietly to Lauren, "I'll be back shortly."

He didn't make eye contact with her, feeling guilty that he'd brought her here. He was responsible for her and he let her be taken by the militia and mistreated. He knew that she wasn't hurt but he was mad nonetheless.

He wasn't happy about having to leave her with militia members but he'd rather her be with Nathan than with anyone else.

Lauren nodded, not sure if she was annoyed with Roderick or not for dragging her into this. She did not want to be this far down the rabbit hole.

Roderick followed Caleb out the door and Caleb closed it behind them, leaving Lauren with Nathan.

Nathan still sat in the same chair, elbows on his knees, head hung down.

"Ma'am, I apologize for any wrongdoing by my men," he said quietly, "They aren't used to asking nicely for anything."

Lauren blushed. "It's not as bad as it looks."

Nathan looked up, smiling, his eyes sad. "I suppose it's not…"

Lauren stood uncomfortable in the middle of the room.

Nathan rose to his feet, tall just as Lauren had thought. "I'm sorry, please excuse my manners, can I get you something? Water?"

Lauren nodded. "Please."

Nathan smiled, grabbing a bottle of water off the table behind him and took it to her.

"I'm Nathan Mead," he said, handing her the bottle.

"Lauren Andrews," she returned, taking it from him.

Even with him this close to her, Lauren didn't feel nervous. Caleb intimidated her more than Nathan did. Nathan was tall and his muscles hinted at strength but his demeanor was soft. He was a man who didn't need force or threats to lead.

"Lau-ren," Nathan said, testing out her name, "Did you know my brother?"

Lauren raised her head up to look at him, his warm brown eyes probing.

She shook her head. "I didn't… but Rod-…. the Sheriff told me about him."

Nathan scoffed, smiling. "Lauren, we both know him as someone other than the Sheriff…"

Lauren swallowed. She wasn't sure she'd be able to get away with calling him the Sheriff for a while… she knew she'd eventually slip and call him Roderick.

Nathan reached into his back pocket, taking out his wallet and opening it. He took out a picture and handed it to Lauren.

"This is…was Charlie," he said sadly, showing her a picture of a man who looked like him in uniform, the United States flag behind him.

Charlie looked a lot like Nathan, but with harder features and empty eyes. He looked cold and empty whereas Nathan was warm and soft. Charlie's eyes looked like Roderick's.

Lauren swallowed. No wonder Roderick chose Charlie.

She handed Nathan back the picture. "I'm very sorry."

Nathan shrugged. "Charlie did whatever Charlie wanted to do. He was good at what he did…"

His sad eyes turned to something harder. "Did Roderick tell you what Charlie did for Joe Carroll?"

Lauren shook her head, lying. "No…"

Nathan's hands balled into fists but then he closed his eyes, breathing slowly.

When he opened his eyes, his unclenched his fists, relaxing, his eyes sliding back into warm brown.

"It doesn't matter," he said softly, "Fuck…"

Nathan went back to the chair, slumping down into it, head in his hands.

"Knowing Roderick… it makes sense that Charlie would get wrapped up in all that…" Nathan said carefully, "How he'd leave his family…"

He looked up at Lauren sadly. "Were you with them?"

Lauren shook her head. "No… I wasn't."

Nathan nodded. "I didn't think so… you still got life in your eyes. You're not like them."

Lauren blinked. "Neither are you."

Nathan smirked. "I'm sure not… How can you be around Roderick knowing what he is? How do you rationalize it?"

Lauren shrugged, anything she'd told herself before didn't make any sense now. She'd always been able to separate herself from whatever Roderick did… but now she was knee deep in it.

"We're all fucked up, ya know?" she said carefully, not even believing herself.

Nathan chuckled. "That's the damn truth… Charlie was fucked up… I guess you gotta be to get involved with that…"

Lauren looked at the ground, wishing all this could go away. She didn't want to be in Kentucky with Roderick. She didn't want to know about Joe Carroll or the following… She wished none of this happened.

Nathan looked at Lauren and her scar. "You shouldn't be in any of this… Charlie and I grew up in the militia and Roderick's about as cold as they come but you… you don't have any reason to be in any of this…"

Lauren had to agree. She didn't want to be here either.

Nathan looked at the floor. "Roderick was selfish for bringing you here. He should've kept you out of this. You don't deserve this."

Suddenly, the door behind her burst open and Nathan jumped to his feet.

Turning, Lauren saw Roderick holding Adam by the back of his neck, blood flowing from his nose and mouth. Caleb stumbled behind them.

Roderick threw Adam on the floor at her feet, blood splattering everywhere.

"Roderick," Nathan warned in a low voice.

Roderick did not respond, his eyes at Adam on the floor. Lauren shuddered as Adam crawled towards her, trying to get behind her.

Roderick took a step and kicked Adam in the ribs, Adam moaning in pain, still trying to crawl out of the way. Roderick had a knife in his hand.

"Oh my god," Lauren whispered, trying to lean down to help him.

"Roderick!" Nathan growled, "Caleb, get Lauren out of here."

Caleb stepped forward obediently. Roderick held out his arm to stop him.

"No," Roderick snarled, "Adam needs to apologize."

"Caleb, now," Nathan pressed.

Quickly, Caleb sidestepped Roderick and grabbed Lauren around the waist, taking her off the floor and spinning her out of Adam's way and around Roderick.

Caleb's breath was unsteady as he set her on her feet outside the door as he started to lead her away.

Lauren could barely hear them as Caleb hurried her down the hallway.

"Roderick, you can't do shit like this," Nathan said quietly.

"I'll do whatever is necessary. You should have trained your men better," Roderick said in a low, threatening voice.

"No, you misunderstand me. You can't do shit like this to that girl," Nathan said, "She doesn't belong here, Roderick."

"Don't you dare talk to me about her," Roderick warned.

Nathan sighed. "She's not like you, Roderick. Whatever you like about her, you're killing by bringing her around places like this. Didn't you see her face when you threw Adam at her?"

Caleb pushed her into a dark room, flipping on the switch, allowing her to see it was a kind of bedroom.

She turned around to see Caleb and he hung his head.

"I-I'm sorry if I hurt you," he grumbled, "I had to follow orders… I'll be outside."

Without looking at her, he stepped out he door and closed it behind him.

Lauren stood for a moment trying to make sense of what just happened.

"Shit," she whispered, feeling all energy drain from her body. She sat down, more of collapsed, onto the bed, putting her head into her hands, her long hair hiding her face.

She sure as hell didn't belong here. She couldn't get the image of Roderick throwing Adam at her feet out of her mind. The rage in his eyes she'd seen before. She'd avoided him when she saw it and he'd calmed down… but she knew what he was capable of.

She didn't have to touch her scar to feel it. She didn't want to be in his world. She didn't want to be here.

Lauren heard voices outside the door and then it opened gently.

She looked up to see Nathan carefully coming in.

"Hey," he said gently, "You okay?"

Whenever people asked if she was okay, Lauren could never hold it together. Instantly tears welled up in her eyes.

She tried to laugh through it, shrugging. "I don't even know…"

She put her head back in her hands, hair spilling around her.

Nathan approached her cautiously and dropped to his knees in front of her, waiting for her to look at him.

Sniffling, she brushed her hair out of her face and looked at his warm brown eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Lauren," he said gently, "You shouldn't have seen that."

Lauren didn't know what to say. She felt drained, frustrated, and overwhelmed.

"I sent Roderick to cool down," Nathan said, "I told him he's not allowed to come near you again until he's reasonable."

Lauren nodded. This Roderick scared her. When she was alone with him, he wasn't like this… not anywhere near like this… now that they were with others, he'd changed. She wondered if this was really who he was all along.

She didn't even know what to think. She was so confused and frustrated.

"We'll be leaving tomorrow to go to Havenport…" Nathan told her, "You can stay here until we get back… you shouldn't be involved anymore than you already have been…"

Lauren looked up. "You're going because of Charlie?"

Nathan shrugged, looking down. "Not just for Charlie. Joe Carroll's killed other people's brothers and sisters… if the militia can take him and his group down, we'll have to try… for everyone's sake."

Lauren sat up straight, determined to collect herself.

"Can I apologize to Adam?" she asked, looking at Nathan.

He frowned. "You don't need to."

Lauren shook her head, wiping her eyes. "I want to… he really didn't hit me that hard… not as hard as Roderick hit him at least…"

Nathan smiled. "Adam will be alright. I'm sure Roderick can do far worse."

He looked at Lauren's scar, wondering what she did to deserve such a thing, and what would cause Roderick to do that to her.

"He did that to you, didn't he?" Nathan asked carefully, trying to hide the disgust in his voice.

Lauren nodded. "I let him."

"Why?" Nathan gasped incredulously, his eyes wide.

Lauren looked at him knelt at her feet and knew he wouldn't understand. Hell… after tonight… she wasn't sure if she understood. If this had happened before, she wouldn't have let him scar her.

"He'd never let anyone live before," she explained quietly, "He said he was a monster but I knew that if he could stop after starting to… to… He'd have to realize he wasn't all bad…"

Nathan shook his head. "Men like Charlie and Roderick… they're not like everyone else… you can't change them or save them…"

Lauren sighed. That was becoming more obvious.

"I'll drive home tomorrow and be out of all this," Lauren said, not really wanting to talk to Roderick.

Nathan shook his head. "You shouldn't be back there until all this is taken care of. It's not safe. You'll stay here and I'll have Caleb stay with you until we come back. I'll talk to Roderick. I'm sure he'll agree it's the best for you."

Lauren nodded. "Thank you, Nathan."

Nathan smiled warmly, everything about Nathan was warm.

There was a knock at the door and Caleb poked his head in. "Roderick wants to come in…"

'_Geez',_ Lauren thought, '_What now?'_


	13. Chapter 13

Nathan looked at Lauren to get her permission and she nodded gently. Ignoring Roderick would just piss him off more.

Nathan turned and nodded to Caleb, and then he stood up and in front of Lauren. She wondered if Roderick would be mad that Nathan was interfering but she really didn't care.

She heard the shuffle of feet outside the door and Roderick, stiff and annoyed, stepped in.

Nathan stood his ground in front of Lauren, waiting.

"I'm _reasonable_ now," Roderick grumbled and Nathan stepped aside, standing by the door with his arms crossed, making it clear he wouldn't be leaving.

Roderick rolled his eyes and directed his attention back at Lauren.

He stared at her with cold eyes, waiting for her to say something but she stared right back, knowing fully well she had nothing to say to him. She had _nothing_ to say to this side of him.

Roderick shifted his weight, trying to get her to say something but she remained quiet. Nathan watched from the door.

"Goddamnit, Lauren," Roderick said in a low voice, annoyed.

She frowned, starting to get mad already. "Goddamnit, what? What the hell did I do?"

Roderick's fists balled and Nathan coughed from the doorway, warning him.

"You know why you had to come here. You know you couldn't stay in Havenport," Roderick pressed.

"I know that," Lauren said through grit teeth, feeling like a scolded child, "I'm not pissed about that."

"Then what the hell are you pissed about? I told you to stay in the truck, I didn't want you in here," Roderick growled.

"She shouldn't have been waiting in the truck, you should have left her somewhere safe," Nathan said from the doorway.

Roderick cocked his head to look at Nathan with his peripherals. "I wasn't talking to you."

"Roderick," Lauren said, getting his attention back on her and jumping to her feet, "I'm pissed because you kicked the shit out of Adam and threw him at my feet like I'd be happy about it."

"I _did _think you'd at least appreciate it. Appreciate that I won't stand for you to be mistreated," Roderick spat.

Lauren shook her head. "Really? You think I want you to parade around like my goddamned white knight and protect my honor? Not if it means you beating the shit out of people! What were you going to do? Kill him?"

"If it was necessary, yes," Roderick said plainly, "If he wouldn't apologize."

Lauren grit her teeth, trying to control her rage, and trying not to scream. This was not the sort of man she wanted in her life. This was not the Roderick she knew.

"You really think I'd want that? You think I'd be proud of you for that?" she growled.

Roderick smirked. "We're all fucked up, right?"

This time, Lauren really did scream. She was outraged, beside herself. Caleb popped his head in to make sure everything was okay and he took a stand beside Nathan.

"You said you understood," Roderick said quietly, disappointed, shedding an edge of vulnerability despite the men standing behind him.

Lauren took a deep breath. "I understood you were like this… but I didn't want anything to do with it… This is a side of you that I understand, but I don't want to be part of. Remember when you thought I went running? You need to control yourself around me."

Roderick took a deep breath, calming down and regretting his actions. He hadn't connected this to that time. She had indeed warned him to control himself in order to be around her.

"I'm sorry that you had to see it…" he said quietly, "I will control myself from now on…"

Lauren breathed deep, calming down. "Thank you…"

Nathan spoke from the doorway. "I think it's best if Lauren stays here while we go to Havenport… if things don't go as planned, we can't guarantee her safety there."

Roderick thought about it while looking at Lauren. He'd brought her to Kentucky because he didn't want her in Havenport…. he wouldn't bring her back. There was no way she could tag along, nor would he want her to. He would have to do worse than just punch someone in the face… he didn't want Lauren to see that, too. He would have to do far, far worse things.

He didn't like the idea of leaving her anywhere, but there didn't seem like another option. He said he'd kept her away from Joe for a reason… he should know better than to bring her straight to him.

Roderick sighed. "You're right… she shouldn't have to be _involved_ in this more than she already has…"

"She'll be alright," Nathan assured him, "Caleb will stay with her."

Caleb held his breath, though he wanted to sigh in relief. Nathan would give him a second chance…

Nathan was a believer in second chances. Caleb knew that's one of the reasons why the militia rallied around him. Nathan gave people a chance, and even after they failed him, he let them prove themselves again. Roderick thought that made him weak but to Caleb and the others, it made him strong and made the rest of them very, very loyal.

"I'd prefer to have Caleb with us," Roderick countered, not a believer in second chances whatsoever, ignoring Caleb's presence, "But if I can't be with Lauren, it's better for him to stay with her."

Lauren rolled her eyes. "I don't need a babysitter. I'm going back to Havenport and I'll stay at a motel and that will be the end of it!"

Roderick smiled, finally she'd gotten some of her fire back, and he turned to Nathan. "You heard her."

Nathan rolled his eyes, knowing he wouldn't argue with either of them.

Caleb stepped forward, determined to still prove himself. "Y'all should've seen me sneak up on her. If she's staying by herself, she needs to learn a thing or two. C'mon, girly, we only have so many hours before sun up. You can sleep in the car."

Caleb put his hand behind her back, leading her out of the room. Lauren was getting sick of being pushed and led around. It was getting annoying, but she was in no position to cause a fight.

* * *

She wasn't surprised when Caleb took her to a make-shift outdoor gun range. She wanted to roll her eyes at the hillybilly, backwoods feel of being in the middle of nowhere Kentucky with bearded militia men. They were awfully serious about this whole thing.

While Caleb turned on floodlights and got eye and ear protection, Roderick approached her. Nathan had perched himself on a wooden fence outlining the perimeter, bent over, elbows on his knees as usual. He'd asked the group of four men, Williams, Adam, and the two others, to scout the far perimeter of the property.

Lauren zipped her jacket up higher, the wind through the trees was cold.

Roderick stood next to her, hands in his pockets.

"You know why he's doing this, don't you?" he asked quietly so only she could hear him, eyes on Caleb.

She looked at him but he wouldn't face her. "Just in case Joe Carroll knows you're still alive and that I helped you?"

Roderick smiled. "I wish I could say that this would help that… but what I meant was Caleb is trying to make amends for letting Adam get to you."

Lauren rolled her eyes. _Oh, that._

"Can you please drop that? You made your point, I get that it pissed you off but I'm fine," she said, annoyed, "Besides, it wasn't that bad. If I can you carving me up, I can take a hit to the face."

She turned away from him as Caleb came closer, handing her ballistic glasses and ear protection.

Roderick frowned. Her tone had been sarcastic and bitter. He grumbled as he took eye and ear pro from Caleb ungratefully, eyes on Lauren.

Caleb had a few weapons laid out on the table down range from the hay bales, a target of a person's outline attached to it.

He'd laid out a few 9mms and a .38, gesturing to the .38.

"This is a hell of a lot better than that pea shooter you had, still got some kick to it though," Caleb warned her, trying not to sound chastising, "You any good at shooting?"

Lauren shrugged. "I know how to… and I've shot both a .38 and a 9mm before… but I'm not that great…"

Caleb tried not to roll his eyes. "You better be great if you're gonna carry one of these around… lemme see what you got…"

He handed put on his eye and ear protection and handed Lauren the .38, hoping he didn't have to explain correct posture, where the safety was, and how to clear the chamber.

Lauren frowned, not taking it yet.

"You mean, shoot from all the way back here?" she asked incredulously. She'd only shot targets close at 5-10 meters… the hay bales were at least 25.

"Anyone can shoot somethin' right in from of em… The better shot you are from far away, the better shot you are up close," Caleb said, trying not to embarrass her.

Lauren looked unsteady. "I don't think I can…"

Caleb took a deep breath. He'd taught his seven year old how to shoot last spring and Lauren sounded just like him.

"Alright," Caleb said, trying to relax her, "Just show me how you'd shoot if the target was closer… Show me your stance and your grip."

Lauren adjusted her glasses and took the .38, already palming it in her hand like she'd done all her life.

She took her stance and raised the .38, one hand over the other, finger off the trigger, eyeing the target.

She waited… and Caleb didn't say anything.

"Well?" she asked, not turning her head.

"Well what?" he laughed, "Shoot."

Lauren frowned. "You said you wanted to see how I _would_ shoot! I can't shoot from this far away!"

Caleb struggled to keep from rolling his eyes. "And you look fine. Shoot!"

Lauren wanted to throw down the damn gun and hightail it back to Havenport.

_Son of a bitch._

Roderick watched her line up her shot, not squinting like he thought she would. He didn't think she knew much about guns. Her stance wasn't bad, not the way the academy taught it, but not bad.

Lauren let out her breath, put her finger on the trigger, and shot, barely hitting the corner of the paper target.

Frustrated, she dropped the clip from the .38, emptied the chamber, and put the gun on the table, ripping off her eye and ear protection.

"Satisfied? I told you I can't shoot from here!" she said in a huff, almost stamping her feet to prove her point.

Nathan watched with a smirk on his face. He and Charlie had learned how to shoot before the learned how to read. Charlie had taken on faster than he had. Charlie had a calculating mind and if his shot didn't line up right, he'd made small adjustments until it was perfect, never losing his cool. Nathan had always gotten frustrated and as he continued to miss, his shot would get worse and worse until he was forced to put the gun down and take a break.

Caleb thought of his son and summoned his patience. "I'll do it with you, this time. It really isn't all that different."

He picked up the bullet from the chamber and put it back into the clip, popping it back in with a click.

He handed it to Lauren who had a sour look on her face, annoyed, frustrated, and somewhat embarrassed. All three men behind her ate, slept, and breathed guns.

Lauren took the .38, holding it in front of her but not raising it up yet. Caleb got behind her, keeping his body away from her, but lining up his arms with hers, palms on the back of her hands, mimicking her grip.

"Take aim," he said, guiding her hands, "See how it all lines up? Line it up and then look at the target behind it. See? Even the smallest tilt or tremor changes the entire angle. Take your right hand off… move your finger like you'd pull the trigger… see how it naturally goes down? Take that into account when you pull the trigger, you'll bring down the gun this much… see how it changes your aim? Aim a hair up and when you fire, it'll match up to what you saw…"

Lauren had no idea how Caleb saw any of this with his head beside hers but it lined up clear as day. Every little movement or adjustment he did to her hands changed everything.

"Aim just above the bullseye… you pull the trigger when you're ready," Caleb calmly ordered, his breath in her ear.

His hands cupped hers and held her steady, she could move her trigger finger without moving his.

Letting out her breath, she put her finger on the trigger, and pulled. Lowering the gun slightly, Caleb's hands dropping off hers, she looked at the target, trying to find the hole in the paper… but not seeing it.

Frowning and looking closer, she finally saw it, perfectly, geometrically, centered right in the middle of the bull's eye.

"YES!" she screamed, lowering the gun on the table, "Holy shit!"

She turned to Caleb who was grinning. "Told ya, girly, you can do it."

Grinning, she turned back to the target, "I want to do it by myself!"

Caleb smiled. "That's the next step. I'll stand right here, you know how to do it…"

Lauren adjusted her glasses and took up the .38, much more confident, much more relaxed. Caleb stood by proudly as he watched her line up the shot like she'd done before, hesitate, then raise the angle slightly, remembering what he taught her.

Her hands were not as steady without Caleb's and she struggled to get the perfect angle. She waited patiently for her hands to steady and her breathing to become fluid.

Roderick watched her intently, seeing her calculate and gather her confidence. He was glad he'd brought her here… she needed a lesson or two in shooting and he knew Caleb was a much more patient teacher than he would have been.

She had been so quiet on the drive here and had been pushed and moved around all night, she finally looked like she was herself again. Deny it as he wanted, Roderick had missed carefree, easygoing Lauren.

When she was ready, Lauren moved her finger down, let her breath out, and shot.

This time, her shot was to the left of the bull's eye, but still close, still close enough for Caleb to be proud.

"That's my girl," Roderick murmured, grinning.

Lauren put the safety on the .38, set it down, and ripped off her glasses and ear protection, jumping into Caleb's arms.

"I DID IT!" she squealed, Caleb grinning and setting her down.

"Can I go look?" she asked excitedly to which Caleb nodded proudly.

Roderick watched her bound down the range, hair bouncing at every step, and then peering at the target, eyes full of wonder at her own shot.

She grinned back at Caleb and then turned back to the target, feeling the hole she'd made and studying it with a smile on her face.

Roderick couldn't help but to smile as well. He'd never seen her this happy… he'd never seen her this full of joy and excitement. Her smile was so big and her eyes were so wide… she was simply stunning.

No matter how beautiful she'd ever looked to him, scar or not, it was nothing compared to this moment. She was so full of life and energy.

Lauren came back to Caleb looking like a kid at Christmas, trying to keep the smile off her face but failing.

"I want to try again!" she beamed and Caleb looked at her like she was his favorite thing in the world. He'd redeemed himself.

"It's all yours, girly," he said pleased, looking at Nathan to make sure he saw his success with her.

Nathan saw it. He saw Lauren put her eye and ear pro back on, pick up the gun, and ready her shot again. He saw the way Caleb coached her and guided her. He was content that he'd given him another chance.

Nathan watched Roderick out of the corner of his eye, most of his focus on Lauren. Roderick's face was cold up until the second Lauren shot and when she realized she'd done better.

Nathan saw Roderick grin, something he'd never seen him do before, and watch Lauren with pride. He saw Roderick admire her as she jumped up and down, clinging to Caleb in gratefulness, amazed with herself.

Nathan wondered how a girl like her could ever be that happy with a man like Roderick… but then he turned gaze back to Roderick… and Nathan could see in the slight fall of his smile that he'd never made Lauren that happy before.

Lauren happily shot again and again, unaware of the two men watching her with such intent. She was thrilled at her progress, feeling electric every time she pulled the trigger. Caleb gazed down at her with such pride she thought she'd explode with gratefulness. She stood obediently next to Caleb, already excited to hear his next lesson. She had become radiant, her skin glowing and her eyes bright. She was so happy it almost hurt.

She didn't want to think about going back to Havenport tomorrow. Roderick's world of Joe Carroll terrified her and Nathan's gun wielding militia overwhelmed her. She didn't want to think about the two of them colliding.


End file.
